You know, I realized something. Continue reading “Writing 101: Your Voice Will Find You”
Category: Reflection
Things on my mind
Writing 101: Size Matters (In Sentences)
This was me when I was 11. I couldn’t find pictures of when I was 12. So I thought, this is just as close. Continue reading “Writing 101: Size Matters (In Sentences)”
Writing 101: Serially Lost
When the assignment said to write about loss, I seriously couldn’t think of a thing. I was going to go full fiction but something came to me at the last second. I hope this is not too sad. Thanks for reading. Continue reading “Writing 101: Serially Lost”
Writing 101: Commit to Writing Practice
It took me two days but I finally come up with three songs. These three songs are not the most important, as stated in the exercise but they do have significant importance. Continue reading “Writing 101: Commit to Writing Practice”
Writing 101: Unlock the Mind
This is my first time taking Writing 101 and the first task is to free-write for 20 minutes. Okay, I can do that. Continue reading “Writing 101: Unlock the Mind”
Smoother in Words
Today’s prompt is a tricky one, so I’m going to have to think about it. Meanwhile, I’m going to answer yesterday’s: How do you communicate differently online than in person, if at all? How do you communicate emotion and intent in a purely written medium? Continue reading “Smoother in Words”
So Close!
Today’s prompt calls for: Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?
Finally, a prompt I can answer in the short time that I have today. I’m leaving in a little bit to get my retainers adjusted. It’s time. Can you believe it’s been over two months since I’ve gotten my braces off? Time flies, doesn’t it?
Anyway, back to the prompt. The answer’s easy, October 2013. I took the Fundamental of
Engineers (FE) exam for the third time. I think I blogged about it at the time since I found this picture in my WP media library. It was a long and difficult exam; 8 hours and 180 questions. Every second counted and you had to know just about everything and anything to pass it. For my major, civil engineering, I only needed to get 50% to pass which was 90 questions.
I thought I did quite well that time. It was two months later in December when I got the results. Failed! I was super pissed because every single job out there required me to pass this damn exam. I felt like something was out to get me. How can I not pass this thing after three time? Most of my classmates passed the second time around and the Chinese international students even passed it the first time. So how can I not pass? Do I suck this much in engineering?
So I went to the detailed report to find the cause. It told me how many I got right in each of the 10 or 12 categories. I pulled out my calculator and punched in the numbers. 85! 85, that was the number of questions I’ve gotten correct and I needed 90. At that moment, I wanted to punch somebody’s lights out. 5 Questions, that was all I needed to pass and those 5 questions killed my chance of getting a job.
Now, of course I could take the exam again but honestly, I don’t even want to study another round for it. The material was too broad and there were too many things I couldn’t even ingest. Also, I hear now that the exam is on the computer and it’s even harder even though they reduced the number of questions from 180 to 110. I don’t think I will ever get my engineering license. At least I graduated, that’s all it matters, right?
Going Under
Want to know a surreal experience? How about going under?
I am talking about going under gas, as in surgery. I think it’s surreal because if you’ve ever experienced it, it’s almost like a first-person account of death in novels, except this is temporary.
I went under twice in 2013. The first was in May that year when I finally committed to get rid of the calcification in my left leg. My doctor/surgeon originally didn’t want to put me under. He was originally just going to inject me with anesthesia and be done with it. Unfortunately, I have tiny veins and the anesthesiologist wasn’t skilled to find one that will work. I guess it’s their fault to tell me to go on an empty stomach.
Anyway, they wheeled me through the narrow corridors into the operating room. Then it felt just like in TV shows and movies when they put a mask over my nose and mouth, told me to take a few breaths and said, “You should be out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” I was still awake after he said one. Then just as I lose my last shred of consciousness, I could almost hear him say, “Now close your eyes and drift off.”
Anyway, this isn’t the surreal experience I want to tell you.
I want to tell you about the second time I went under in September. It was the day of my oral surgery. It was a procedure I paid for all on my own and frankly, it was a huge waste of money because it didn’t work. That morning, as usual, my mom was cranky because first she had to miss an hour of work and secondly, when we got to the office, we had to pay an extra $250 for the anesthesiologist, all because the oral surgeon was afraid to work with my small veins.
Anyway, she left right after writing a big check, much more angry than before, and I was left waiting alone with nothing to do in the waiting room. They told me the anesthesiologist was running late and wouldn’t be there for another 20 or 30 minutes. Well, that’s not good.
Finally, about thirty-minutes later, the anesthesiologist finally came out and called me in. I was expecting an OR like the last time I had surgery but this room was bright and was lined with windows. There was even music playing.
He showed me the gas mask as I sat down. “I need you to take a few deep breaths into this mask for me, okay?” The anesthesiologist instructed. I nodded and he placed the mask over me.
I was nervous and anxious. So I focused on the music to calm me as I breathed in the gas and before I knew it, the music became slower and slower and then it stopped.
I don’t mean it stopped playing. I mean it sounded like a CD or a vinyl playing on a turntable and it’s caught at a place and the same note just plays over and over and over. If you watch I Love Lucy, the episode where the apartment was dressed like Cuba and Lucy was serenading Ricky with Spanish music, you’ll know what I mean.
The other strange thing is I don’t think I even closed my eyes because all I could see was that florescent light above me and I couldn’t blink. Maybe in reality, my eyes had been closed but in my reality, they had been unblinkingly open like someone had kept their eyes open during their last moments.
A while later, when I finally came to, I found myself on a wooden table in a tiny room. It was odd and uncomfortable and it made me wonder. Is this where they let the patients sleep until the gas wear off? Do they not have a bed or anything?
At the same time, I really want to sleep. Unfortunately, I think someone knew I was awake and sent my mom to come and get me. She helped me off the table, apparently, it was a table because she was complaining about a few hours later when my mind was once again crystal clear. Then with her aid, I stumbled across the parking lot to the car like a drunk and before she even leaves the parking lot, I was asleep again.
So how’s that for a surreal experience?
The thing I want to do…
During my workout at the gym today, I gave my response to today’s prompt some thought and I want a redo. Continue reading “The thing I want to do…”
Awards for Academia
You know what award I’d really like to receive? Continue reading “Awards for Academia”
What makes a teacher great?
What makes a teacher great? That’s what’s asking on today’s prompt.
I’ve had a lot of teachers and I mean a lot because unlike the university I’m attending now, my previous university had a lot of professors. During my five years at the university, I’ve never once had the same professor twice even when I was repeating a course. I guess either the university hires a lot of professors or I was just lucky not to have the same instructor twice.
At my current university, there aren’t a lot of instructors in the program. So far this semester, I have two instructors I had courses with last semester. I think they are both very great teachers. Better than the ones I had at my previous university? Hell yeah! So what if they are lacking a PhD? It doesn’t matter to me, as long as they know their stuff, that’s fine by me.
The most horrible instructor I’ve ever had was in one of my undergraduate courses two years ago. He was very unforgiving and tough, just two of the most important elements to make a horrible instructor.
In January of 2013, we had an ice storm here. It’s a rare weather phenomenon where the rain freezes the moment it hits the ground. Everywhere that day, the ground was shiny and slick was like an ice-skating rink, even my special shoes couldn’t help me stay on my feet. I slipped like six-times that day, just to get to bus stop. I was actually surprised I didn’t break anything internally.
I was in pain that night and there was a quiz in one of my classes the next day. I emailed the instructor early and told him…
I fell and hurt myself today. I don’t think I can come to class tomorrow. Is it okay if I make up the quiz some other time?
Nope, that was his answer. I’d be missing the first quiz of the semester and I couldn’t make it up. I went to talk to him again face-to-face and this time, it was like he didn’t understand my English at all. It was unbelievable.
About a week later, when he posted the grades onto the site, I saw I got a big fat zero on the quiz and his quizzes made up of 40% of the grade. In the end, because of that missing quiz, I didn’t pass the grade. I got a D+ instead of a C-, which was what I needed to pass the course. When I retook the class in my last semester of the undergraduate program, I discovered that he failed more than half of the class. Don’t you think that’s a horrible teacher?
So what makes a teacher great?
- A great teacher cares. Last Tuesday, there was a snow storm. I was late after nearly two hours of driving but I still made it to class. At the end of the class, the teacher told us. “If there’s a snow storm and you can’t come to class, please just tell me. I don’t want you guys to have any trouble trying to get to class.” She even posted all her notes online for those people that couldn’t make it that day.
- A great teacher is forgiving and sympathetic. If a clumsy student (like me) falls and hurts themselves and cannot come to class, a forgiving teacher would offer them sympathy and let them make up whatever work they missed another time.
- Last but not least, a great teacher is understanding. They understand the student’s need to pass the class and will help them in whatever way they can to help that student.
Reflecting Current Moment
I was going to do this later but my mom’s been talking so much that I couldn’t concentrate on my studying. I want to take this exam today so I won’t have to worry about it and enjoy my spring break. Apparently either my mom thought I’m just using studying as an excuse or she doesn’t care whether I pass this test or not because there she was, calling me every five seconds, asking me stupid questions. Anyway, she’s gone now but I’m already distracted so I might as well do something that’ll help simmer down my anger.
Today’s prompt reads,
What would you put in this year’s time capsule to channel the essence of our current moment for future generations?
Thank god I’ve been watching television otherwise, I would have no idea what a time capsule is. It won’t matter anyway because I won’t have a clue what to put in it to reflect the current moment. I don’t keep up with the trends and I haven’t watched the news for a long time. There hasn’t been any news worthy to watch, the headlines are always the same. Only my mom watches the news because she claims news anchors are the only people that speaks proper English. They enunciate each word clearly, I give her that but other than that, I doubt there’s such thing as proper English.
I am rambling…
Okay, I’m no expert on this time capsule thing but if I have to put something to “channel the essence of our current moment for future generations”, I would definitely put a phone in there (smartphone or iPhone) and a picture of people texting and tweeting everywhere. Their eyes wouldn’t leave the screen. I think this would be a good picture to reflect on the current moment (cellphone addiction). It’s too bad I don’t do because I don’t have that kind of phone and I hate texting.
The Outcome of Having “Friends”
Daily Prompt: A writer once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If this is true, which five people would you like to spend your time with?
Whoever said that is completely full of it. But if this was true, I’ll bet words like introvert and shy will not exist just like I wasn’t so kept to myself when I was in middle school. Oh yes, we are going back to middle school again because it was middle school that made me who I am today, not high school.
In middle school, I surrounded myself with the smartest people in the entire school or the 40% student population that’s Asian. I am talking straight A’s and never took a test that resulted in less than 90%. These guys and gals were great at everything – math, science, language arts, and even PE. I thought if I hung out with them long enough, their smartness and coolness will rub off onto me (that’s obviously not true).
In 6th and 7th grade, I hung out with them almost every minute of everyday, except weekends and when school’s out, you get my point. They stopped hanging out with me after the first several weeks. This tend to happen with people like me – people with not much to offer. I suspect they grew tired of me though because I wasn’t smart enough for their “group”. Too late, you’ve already introduce me to everyone you know.
Soon, I became something of an incessant shadow, always want in on the action. I don’t know why I even both to do that. They don’t even like me. Oh yes I do!
There was this theory I worked out when I was in 2nd grade, I still believe in it partially. The theory is if you shadow someone long enough, you’ll become more like them. And that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be smarter, cooler, have more friends, part of the crowd, all of it, just not the being an a** part which is exactly what they were.
It didn’t work. I think as time went on, I became more and more like a virus. Whenever I walked near the group, they immediately moved away like they unconsciously found themselves standing under a beehive and just now hear the buzzing. It made me feel awful and sad and one day, I even heard them call me annoying like I wasn’t even there.
In 8th grade, I decided. Why should I change for this people? They aren’t worth it. From then on, I kept mostly to myself. Eat lunch alone or with whoever’s sitting next to me in the cafeteria. Eventually though, I did have a couple of new students that had just arrived in the U.S. with hardly any knowledge of the English language. They wanted to be follow me around, be in my own little group of one and together, we became friends.
In 2007, when Facebook was in and Myspace was out, the group of smarta** that called me annoying, sent me friend requests. I wanted to deny each and every one of them the privilege to be my friend again. I almost said FU to the computer.
Why should I be your friends when you spent a majority of 7th and 8th grade teasing and bullying me? Am I that friend that exist only when you want something?
Unfortunately, the part of me that really really really want to be part of the “cool Asian group” again took over and I had hit the accept button. Ugh, I hate that part of me.
Oh well, it’s not like I use Facebook much or anyone’s listening to what I say on there anyway.
Come out of the Shell
You know the two questions I hate being asked, especially behind my back because people thinks I’m incapable of answering? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you autistic? (Seriously, I had someone ask that one before, a very rude classmate of my mom’s).
I will get myself a boyfriend when I’m good and ready. When my heart desires love, I will go find it, who know how but I will go find it when I’m ready. I went on Facebook a few days ago, it was the first time I logged in in several months. I changed my profile picture in addition to browse around the newsfeed to see what’s my “friends” (air-quote) are up to.
I had to sigh because it proves so much that I do not have a life. Most of my high school classmates have a husband, a family, and some already have kids. My former middle school bestie, she was considered the quickest of us all. She was married, divorced, and had a son at 20! It seems like I’m the only one that’s remained unchanged with no activities, still living at home, no life.
Just now, I got into a small argument with my mom all because I had to put the almond milk back into the fridge and she’s moving around like crazy. I was just about to close the fridge door and she’s there. She bumped into me. I said oops and she blamed me for bumping into her.
Then the subject went from that to why I don’t go out and social or why am I stuck at home all day. I didn’t answer. There is no good answer to this question. I don’t go out and social because well, I don’t want to; I don’t like to. I prefer to be by myself. Just because you like to social and meet people doesn’t mean I like to. Maybe that’s the problem. I am anti-social. I don’t know how to talk to people.
Someday though, maybe I’ll finally come out of my shell.
An Unforgettable Sunday
Daily Prompt: Take a subject you’re familiar with and imagine it as three photos in a sequence. Tackle the subject by describing those three shots. Continue reading “An Unforgettable Sunday”
Surrounded
Daily Prompt: When was the last time you felt really, truly lonely?
Um, I can’t remember. I actually want to write this post for a while, thanks, wordpress, for giving me this push with a prompt.
If you’d asked me when was the last time I truly felt depressed or angry or annoyed, that I can tell you. Truthfully, I’ve rarely felt loneliness. I am always surrounded by things whether being computers, electronic devices or people. My mom made sure of that.
Even when she left me for six months for basic training, she made sure I’m interacting with people. Every evening, I was told to ride the bus plus walk two blocks to her friend’s house every night for dinner and then wait for her friend’s son to finish his dinner so her friend could take me home. This sometimes took forever because he was like six and he didn’t like to eat unless his mom made him cry.
Anyway, even during those six months of living alone, I didn’t feel alone. I’ve always found something to occupy myself, always busy. Now, my mom is preparing to go on another training next month, this time, for a month.
I am actually pretty excited because I’ve been surrounded with so many things and people lately that I feel a little overwhelmed and like a chance to be alone. Apparently, my mom doesn’t think so. She’s worried I’d get lonely and keeps asking me whether she should buy a plane ticket for my aunt to fly back here to keep me company. I am like “Hello, I’m almost 24, I don’t need a sitter.”
She’s afraid of something, I can tell, but she won’t say. The other night, I asked her, “Why do you not want me to be alone?”
She replied, “I just don’t want you to feel lonely.”
“Why, are you worried that something might happen to me?”
“Even if it happened, no one will know.” Because even though she’d only be 100 miles away, she’s not allowed to come home or use a phone.
At this point, I knew exactly what she was thinking and I said it. “Ah, you’re afraid I keel over and no one’s here to help me or discover my corpse.”
She laughed, “Maybe but if she’s here, she can call 911.”
“And I can’t?”
She laughed some more. “If you can call 911, then it’s not an emergency.”
I guess she’s got a point there. The thing is though, I’m perfectly healthy. I went to my doctor the other day and he said everything was normal. He didn’t even examine me. He’d sounded so relieved that for the first time after 4 years, I finally have some normal lab results. But I think my mom might be worrying about other things. I think she’s actually worrying about me suddenly dying like my dad. I’ve promised her a dozen times, “This won’t happen to me.” But she wouldn’t believe me. I’m still here, am I not?
“I’ll be fine. I think you should worry about yourself than worry about me.” I told her but she wasn’t listening anymore. She was already onto other tasks, searching for plane tickets for my aunt on expedia.
Don’t Waste Food
The other day, I had to throw the remainder of a pumpkin pie I made more than a week ago down the garbage disposal. All because Continue reading “Don’t Waste Food”
To you…
Today is Valentine’s Day and my cousin’s birthday, not the pain in the a– cousin. I probably should send him a birthday card, after all, it’s not everyday one gets to turn 19. Continue reading “To you…”
Collection
Daily Prompt: Dig through your couch cushions, your purse, or the floor of your car and look at the year printed on the first coin you find. What were you doing that year?
Okay, that will be a problem for me because first of all, my mom and I, we don’t put or hide coin anywhere and we certainly don’t keep coins in our pockets. We keep them in our wallet where they belong but even then I don’t have a lot of coins. I keep mostly bus tokens in my wallet, though I don’t know why, I have a pass that will allow me to ride whatever I want for free.
So therefore, I’m going to show you these…
I am almost finish collecting the third set, just need Mississippi. I began collecting state quarters in I think 2003 (it seems like every interesting thing happen that year). I have no clue what got me interested, maybe I just like collecting money. :p
When we were still living in California, my mom and I used to go to the recycling center all the time, to sell plastic bottles and soda cans. Then we would tell the guy to give us quarters which he happily gave us, chunks of quarters at a time.
Once we arrive home, I’d go excitedly to the dining table to find if there was any quarters that I did not have already. The unwanted quarter would be for my mom to do laundry.
At first, it was easy because well, I’m new and I haven’t collected up to the current year yet. After a while, it got tough but I didn’t give up. The most frustrating period of this collection was when we were living in Texas when my step-dad would secretly take my state quarters to buy alcohol and cigarettes while I was asleep. See, that’s why I wanted to lock my door.
I stopped for a while because what’s the point if I collect one and you take one? I began again when I moved to Utah but in the last few years, I’ve slowed down a lot since both my mom and I don’t really use cash anymore unless it’s an emergency and we no longer need quarters to do laundry. So now I’ve fallen quite behind on my national parks and monuments collection and I need to catch up.
Well, I have to head to school. I actually got up early again this morning. I thought this problematic prompt was interesting and knew I could squeeze a few minutes of my time before school to write this.
This takes me back…
My step-dad was always big on music. I think me learning the piano was probably the proudest moment of his life. Continue reading “This takes me back…”
Breaking the Rules
I know there are many people who grew up in a household with an established set of rules, probably written on a piece of construction paper on the wall. Continue reading “Breaking the Rules”
An offer I badly want to refuse
In the fall of 2013, my former-boss, Mr. Li came to town. He, his wife, son, and brother-in-law didn’t know a single word in English. They were to enroll at the school I was employing at the time and since my mom and I were the only ones at the school that spoke Chinese and English, we had to helped them to get their son enrolled.
After that, they came to us for everything and I mean everything. We helped them set up and install everything in their rental home from utilities to phone to TV to internet. They even called us once to ask how to eat a pie. They spent a great deal of time over at our place too. Chatting and just about interrupted every aspect of our daily life.
Then he offered me a job. $15 an hour, just interpretation and running, even reimburse for gas in case of travel. At the sound of it, yeah, it sure sounded great but it was an offer I wanted to refuse, horribly. I knew it would be incredibly demanding and with school and work, I don’t have time for other demands. So I refused.
But my mom went on and on about how Mr. Li was handing money to me and how I was so stupid not to take the job and then she called China and made me talk to both of my aunts who too lectured me on my stupidity. It was a never ending battle and it was one I cannot win. I mean three against one, how can I? I had to surrender and take the job.
So I was working two jobs while completing my last few classes at the University. It was ridiculous. During my work time at the school, Mrs. Li would randomly stroll into my classroom and demand I take her shopping. I mean didn’t she see me working?
After school, I was a tutor for another student and my mom was to provide additional help to Mr. Li’s son but eventually that turned into my job too.
That period, September 2013 to March 2014, was most likely the hardest time of my life. I worked three, sometimes four jobs while squeezing time in between to catch up on my homework. I was barely home except for sleeping. It was a wonder how I passed my classes.
The thing is, when I first met Mr. Li, I kind of knew he wasn’t the kind of person I want to associated with. I guess I just have the ability of reading people, to know whether they can be trusted and whether it will be good to be associated with them.
Of course, Mr. Li is trustworthy. Unfortunately, he’s not association-worthy and as usual, my mom ignored my suggestion and as usual, I was completely right.
Because Mr. Li came here on a business visa, he had to gather enough employees to keep his visa. So he dragged my mom down too, made her his employee and handed her a couple of paychecks. Now, it’s tax time and she is in trouble. Because of the extra income from Mr. Li, she now has more taxes to pay. I do too because of Mr. Li’s unethical practices. He claims he’s helping me but in fact he’s hurting me.
And our W-2s still hadn’t arrive and Mr. Li is nowhere to be found. So is it too late to rub it in her face and say I told you so?
The Great Loosening
It reminds me of Fall 2009, just about two months after we moved into our current home. To be honest, I still can’t see why my mom had purchased this house. Of all the houses we looked at, she just had to pick this one.
We spent almost two weeks after moving in painting and cleaning the walls. It was so full of fingerprints and grease that it’s disgusting just to talk about it. We also cleaned every nooks and corners of this house except underneath the range; we didn’t clean that until we replaced the range in 2011. You have no idea what sort of weird objects we found. Currently, the only place remained uncleaned is the deck outside and I don’t ever want to touch that.
Anyway, back to Fall 2009. In our backyard, we have this huge plot of soil.
This wasn’t always like this. Back we moved in, this lied an above ground swimming pool. After the previous owner removed the pool, we were left with this awkward polygon shape plot of soil. My mom thought we’d turn it into a garden except the surface at the time resembled this:
The summer was dry that year, I remember. We didn’t get a lot of rain and every commercial on TV was screaming at us, conserve, don’t water your lawn.
In September or October, we finally got a decent storm and when the storm finally ended, I decided to take a shovel, go out into the backyard and start loosening up the soil. The day was wet and damp but the air felt fresh and breathable for the first time in a while. I set my shovel on the soil and effortlessly lifted it. The top layer resembled mud but the soil was drying up quickly, I had to work fast.
Finally, I managed to get the top soil loosened and then I began digging into the next layer and the next and the next. Of course, my mom came out and helped but after a short time, she gave up and went back into the house, leaving me out there to continue digging.
By the time I completed and went back into the house, it was about 4 or 5 hours later. My whole body ached but when I looked out at the plot of land, I couldn’t help to admire the result of my hard work. It no longer looked like a desert, it looked like a garden.
That year, we planted three plum trees (two on this plot of land and one in the front yard) and two blueberry bushes. The tree in the front yard survived but the two in the back along with the blueberry bushes died. We didn’t know why at first but we found out later that too much Chlorine had seeped from the pool water. The soil was toxic to plants.
We had spent the past five years or so neutralizing the soil with topsoil and cow manure. It’s worked so far but the trees and plants are still struggling, I can tell. You can tell too. The apple tree has been there for five years, yet it’s hardly grown. Not enough nutrients in the soil.
We planted cherry trees for the third time two years ago but it died after a few months. So last year, we decided on Asian Pear Trees and it barely survived the year.
The entire yard was covered in frost. I had to be very careful this morning when I stepped out to marvel at the beautiful blue sky. Not for long though, spring is coming real soon and we’ll have to start planting again.
I wonder what my mom has in mind this year. I know snow peas are a definite yes. I know she’s already given up on corn. We probably won’t have blackberries this year, well maybe. As you can see in the above picture, my aunt’s went overboard with the trimming. I still can’t believe she did that. Hopefully this garden will flourish this year.
Have to get back to my assignment, so ciao for now. 🙂
This is Another Story 