Category: Diary

Proving my Generosity

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

I thought about doing the daily prompt today. Then again, I’m only in my early 20’s. And because of the wonderful doctors who somewhat cured me of my genetic disorder, okay, not cured specifically, more like prolonged my livelihood past my 30’s. My point, it’s a little too soon for me to have a bucket list let alone an anti-bucket list, if I even decide to have one.

Anyway, I got into a small argument with my mother on Friday because my aunt was whining her clothes got ruined from painting the rental home. My mom said it’s because I wouldn’t spare some of my clothes. Well, I’m sorry but I never said to buy this house, my aunt did and I’ve got plenty of clothes ruined from painting houses. Does it mean now that she doesn’t get to sacrifice some of her clothes?

I lost my temper and screamed at my mom because she kept calling me selfish. What made me lose my temper wasn’t what she called me but how she said it, in that mocking tone, like a tease. I don’t like to be teased or mocked.

I kept telling her I don’t have any clothes to spare. It’s not because I’m sentimental and selfish either, it’s because I really don’t have any. Most of my clothes are brand-new, purchased in the recent months, less than a year old. Besides, most of my clothes are short-sleeved and twice as big as what my aunt owned and my aunt’s like a Quaker, I’ve never seen her in anything less than a long-sleeves turtleneck, long pants, and childishly colorful socks.

So my aunt wore one of her turtlenecks and jeans that day and she and my mom spent the whole day Friday painting the rental home while I spent the day running around town on my own. Her turtleneck and jeans were slightly ruined (splattered by paint) but she was reluctant to throw it away unlike my mother. So it’s currently soaking in a large bucket of water downstairs in the laundry room.

It was completely wrong of my mom to call me selfish. I am not a selfish person, if anything, I’m unselfish. If I’m selfish, I would’ve kept all my food to myself instead of sharing it with everyone else. I wouldn’t have allowed anyone else to watch TV or use my internet.

So I spent the entire day yesterday proving to everybody I’m not selfish. We went out for dim sum and morning tea for the first time in months and I paid for it with my own money. I even threw in a generous 20% tip because we occupied the table for so long.

Then when we went to the Chinese supermarket and bought enough grocery to hopefully last more than a week this time, I once again paid for it out of my own money. I felt kind of gut-wrenching when I swiped that card because I’ve never spent more than $100 a day except when I get my course material for school and tuition payment due date. But it proved my point. I am not a selfish person. End of discussion.

Sometimes, it’s best to hide

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Happy Friday!

Today is the first day of my winter break but I woke up this morning by this pain in my right arm. I hope the nerve in neck aren’t swollen again and is not now affecting my arm.

Anyway, I took a look at the prompt this morning, more question and answer. Will there be a prompt that actually inspires me to write a story? Of course, lying is not okay, it’s never okay! Otherwise, why would anyone teach us that? On the other hand, you can’t expect a person to tell the truth all the time either. The truth hurts sometimes, you know.

Sometimes, it’s better to just tell neither, to simply to just hide the truth.

I remember the start of junior year into my engineering program. My grades from the semester before were terrible. I couldn’t understand why except that numbers just aren’t on my side. The entire semester, I couldn’t find a single proper answer to a single problem. I followed the exact same procedure as taught by the instructor and still couldn’t get the right answer.

About two weeks after receiving my grades, I received an email from my adviser saying that I’ve been down-graded from major status to pre-engineering status. That was terrible news for me, for anyone, in this matter.

To be back at pre-engineering status meant I couldn’t be enrolled into the already registered classes. It meant the only class I could be enrolled was the one I’m retaking. Worst of all, it meant I only had one course.

Quickly, thoughts swirled in my head. How am I going to explain to mom when she sees the tuition bill and only sees one course register? What am I supposed to tell her? That my grades were so terrible that I’ve been kicked out of the program?

My head and chest pounded as I got up and paced back and forth in my room, trying to come up with a solution. Then I decided. I’m going to fix this myself and I’m going to tell mom nothing. She will know nothing of this. My adviser and I communicated back and forth through email.

For two days, my hands shook and I hardly had any appetite. I felt bad about hiding this from her. In my freshman year, I failed Chemistry. I hated this, I’ve never failed anything in my life. When mom discovered, she was angry but at the time, she didn’t have as bad of a temper as she has now. But she told me, “If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you.” So maybe she helped me then, she could help me now.

But another part of me thought otherwise. So I kept it from her. Two days later, a solution came, it was like god-sent. I discovered in my degree audit report that they never took the “E” I got from Chemistry away and thus lowering my GPA to below requirement. I emailed my adviser and told her what I’ve found and asked her to have that removed since I’ve already taken that class. I was back on track.

The lie in that little story was that I pretended to be fine when everything was fine. I should have told my mother the truth instead of hiding it from her. On the other hand, I wanted to prove to her that I can handle things on my own, that I don’t need her guidance on every misstep I happen upon this crazy journey call life. I guess I’ve proven that here.

A Mighty Risk Paid Off!

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As some of you know, I recently joined my university’s chapter of the Beta Alpha Psi, a professional club for Accounting and Finance major. I’d say that’s a pretty big risk for me, both socially and professionally. I joined the ASCE when I did my undergraduate and look where that landed me, still unemployed and living at home. Continue reading “A Mighty Risk Paid Off!” →

Why couldn’t I just left it alone?

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If there is one thing I regret doing, it would be doing that surgery more than a year back and getting braces. Continue reading “Why couldn’t I just left it alone?” →

The Long and Bumpy Road

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Sometimes, I think back to three years ago, I was in the third year of my undergraduate degree, when my mother suggested that I switch major from engineering to accounting. I didn’t listen. I even argued that if I switched, I would have to start over. Except for the math courses, I would have to take the lower requirements courses all over again.

I went on to my degree until the end. Now, three years later, I am sitting in an intermediate accounting class, trying to understand something I have no knowledge of. Yes, I have an undergraduate degree but without passing the licensing exam, I cannot get a job. So I’m kind of back to square one and have to go back to school to learn about something else. Sometimes, I feel like if I did switch major  three years ago, I would have graduated this year or the next and I might even have a job instead of now, still in school, next to jobless, still living with mom. 

But I didn’t fail, I believe I have just hit one of the bumps on the road of success. The road of success may be long and bumpy but sooner or later, we will reach the end which at that time, we will tell our extra spicy success stories.

A Little Life Update: So So Busy

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Do you know a horrible way to cook hot dogs? I didn’t realize it until this morning when my cousin did it. Microwaving it without water. The whole house smelled like exploding hot dogs. I can even smell it now in class! It’s horrible! Continue reading “A Little Life Update: So So Busy” →

TGIF: I am achy and exhausted!

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I think if you look at me now, I would probably look like the picture on the left. Not to complain but my back aches, so do my knees, legs, and heels. My arms don’t hurt but my fingers were full of pain about two hours ago. Now, I just have the usual wrist pain in my right wrist, probably from what people call the “mouse hand”. Continue reading “TGIF: I am achy and exhausted!” →

The Good, The Bad, and the Oddest

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So I’ve had a wonderfully odd day that was full of good and bad, how ’bout you? Continue reading “The Good, The Bad, and the Oddest” →

Too much socializing for this great night

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I did so much socializing tonight that my throat feels bone dry right now. I just drank a bottle of water (0.5 L) and my throat still feels strained. Before you ask, no I wasn’t at a party. I was at an event at school. It’s call “Meet the Firms” and it’s held every year, the second Wednesday of September. Basically, all the companies around the area come to one place and as Accounting students, it’s our jobs to go meet them and try to secure an interview for an internship or a full-time position.

It turned out every firm is hiring interns. All the firms I met tonight ask me which way I’m leaning, auditing or tax. I answered them, no preference. I am still exploring. Was that a risky answer? I have no idea. All I knew was my heart was pounding every time I approach a representative. I don’t know why. I guess I just want to say the wrong thing and then end up on their “do not hire” list if they had one which I’m pretty sure they do. 🙂

Anyway, I arrived there at a little after 5:30 pm and walked in. From the get-go, I had no clue what to do, where to start, and where’s the club. Everyone looked the same. I couldn’t tell who from who. Everyone except me wore suits. Guys, white shirt, black jacket and pants, and slick shoes while ladies, white shirt, skirt, jacket, and heels or dress shoes. Me, slacks, my most formal shirt, and tennis shoes. I guess that made me stand out just a little.

My face immediately turned red while making a round around to see what kind of firms are here. There was a lot and by a lot, I mean, much more than the turn out for the engineering career fair earlier this year.

After a few minutes, I gathered my courage and approached a company. I introduced myself, told the representative my name. He asked me where I am currently in the program and I recited my 30-seconds elevator pitch as I’ve practiced earlier today during the general career fair held at the school.

“I am currently leveling to get into the Masters program.” I said.

Immediately, he knew I didn’t do my undergrad in Accounting. “What was your major for you undergraduate?” He asked.

“Civil Engineering,” I said and immediately, I could tell he was surprised just like all the other company representatives I visited. They all asked me why I decided to do accounting. I told some of them I wanted to try new things but I also told most of them all the females in my mom’s family were accountant and I decided to follow family tradition which it’s partially true.

It did the trick for some of them, I struck a conversation while some of them just told me to go online to their websites to check out the internships. Was that a hint that I am not getting hired? Anyway, after talking to that first company, I finally found the club and I was supposed to report for volunteering duty for the next 30 minutes. They asked me to sit down and do check-in duty. It was a piece of cake since I worked as a secretary and a receptionist. After a while, I even struck a conversation with the girl sitting next to me. She was also on volunteer duty.

The 30 minutes went by just like that but now I have finally mustered the courage to go speak to the companies. Conversing with that girl helped me warm up, now I knew exactly what to say. I have made it through half of the companies by the time I checked the time on my cell. An hour had gone by. Whoa, and I thought I would rush through this and go home. Guess not.

Another 20 minutes had gone by by the time I finished talking to the other half of the companies. I’ve collected so much souvenirs, brochures, and business cards from the companies that I had to find an empty spot to organize them and put all of them in my purse. My three copies of resumes were gone, I’ve handed them out to the only companies that requested it. In the end, I got a water bottle, a dozen business cards and brochures, pens, and chocolate. I was done. I drove home and now I am going to enjoy the remainder of my lunar B-day.

Good Night!

Late Night Thoughts

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I am a bit scared right now. Outside my bedroom window parked three cop cars. The last time there were this many cop cars outside my home was a few years ago when mom and I had just moved into our current home. Our neighbor had called the cops one night after they heard shots fired.

It turned out it was a group of idiots in the next street playing a game of paintball with BB guns and plastic bullet. Then when the plastic bullets ricocheted off of the garbage cans, it made this loud bang. It scared me to death when I went to take out the garbage. Anyway several police cars came that night and I never again heard another loud bang in the neighborhood again.

The only other time I’ve seen a police car outside my home was when a cop pulled someone over for speeding. That is until tonight. I could’ve sworn those police cars weren’t there when I watched the carpet installer left a hour ago. When did they get here? Why are they here?

I cringe at the sight of cop cars. I don’t like police but then who does? The last time I had a run-in with a police-officer, I got a citation for not yielding cars going straight. It wasn’t my fault, I tell ya but the cop rather believe the big-breasted lady with sad puppy dog eyes and totaled car. Also, at the sight of police, I feel like I’ve done something wrong even though I didn’t.

When I noticed the cars 30 minutes ago, creepy and horrible thoughts began to take over my mind. What if they are monitoring my activities? Or could the cops be friends with my next door neighbor and he’s just over there visiting or staying the night? Or what if one of my neighbors had done something wrong? My teeth are clattering here.

Stop it! Geez, it’s not like they are flashing lights or screaming over the bullhorn to tell me to come out and surrender. Relax. They are just parked there, occupying a quarter of the curb to my driveway, but they are just there. Oh, please tell me that’s it. That’s what all it is. It’s been a long, confusing, and horrible day and I don’t want to deal with anything else.

Good night and be back tomorrow morning. 🙂

Shutting Down

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This morning, I woke up, un-energized. My body ached while my brain felt like it’s gone into shut-down mode. I cannot think of one thing to write. I looked at the Daily Prompt and cannot think of one situation to relate. Continue reading “Shutting Down” →

Don’t want to get up!

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I live in Northern Utah. So I don’t get to see sunrise because well, the mountains are in the way. But I still think the sun is very annoying. Sure sunshine’s nice but when you’re driving eastbound at 8 o’clock in the morning and that sun has reach high enough over the mountain to shine in your eyes, it’s not so great. Continue reading “Don’t want to get up!” →

Changes are coming which means challenges challenges challenges!!!

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In two days, I am back in school and I can’t help but feel like changes is coming my way. First of all, I am back in school, five days a week, each day about 3 hours (that’s not so bad 🙂 ). Continue reading “Changes are coming which means challenges challenges challenges!!!” →

An Ironic Situation

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When someone tells you you need to buy a new something to replace your current something and then your current something suddenly breaks down the next day or so, do you consider this situation to be weird, ironic, perhaps? Continue reading “An Ironic Situation” →

False Accusations

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Credit: Pinterest

Okay, so I don’t usually make accusations and assumptions unless there are evidence and fact pointing me to it but my mom, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She likes to make accusations and assumptions. It’s almost like that’s all she does. Worst of all, her accusations are based on evidence that is not there. Almost every one of her assumptions are flawed and I have complete evidence to back me up every time.

Ever since I graduated and began staying at home, she’s been assuming I wake up very late in the morning. There is no evidence proving that. In fact, this assumption is completely 100% false! I have been waking up at 7-something every morning because I cannot sleep due to the heat. Then during just about everyday in July, when she was going to school for some language training, she shook me awake before 7 every morning.

She claimed that I can fall asleep whenever I please including after she had left at 7:45. That is completely false, too. When she was gone, I have already changed my clothes and she knew how much I hate sleeping in anything but my pajamas. Also, she is basing the fact that I can fall asleep whenever I please from when I was a baby. Babies sleeps, a lot! Well, I’m not a baby anymore.

I tried to prove her wrong a couple times by waking up at 7-something on the weekend but she didn’t acknowledge and continued to accuse me of waking up late in the morning. Ugh, so frustrating. Sometimes I just want to shout, STOP MAKING WRONG ACCUSATIONS!!!

A Curious Tale For a Saturday

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It is very hard to sleep in sometime even when I’m given the chance. This morning, I woke up to loud laughs and shouts downstairs. Continue reading “A Curious Tale For a Saturday” →

Looking back so far…

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The new school year is approaching and summer is rapidly drawing to an end. Therefore I thought I’d review how this year has been like so far. Continue reading “Looking back so far…” →

Paid off Finally!

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Last October, when I dropped below half-time (<6 credits) in school, the loan company immediately needed me to repay my student loan. How dumb is that? At least let me finish school, earn a decent wage before making me repay the loans. Continue reading “Paid off Finally!” →

There is no better feeling than knowing all your work is done

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The entire week last week, mom has been pushing me. She was like, “I want to get this done this weekend.” Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. You can’t rush when it came to updating a website. Continue reading “There is no better feeling than knowing all your work is done” →

How long does it take…to learn English

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When I was teaching English to newcomer students at LCA, a private school I work at for the past two years, I often get this exact question from either my students or some concerned parents who like to waltz in and out of the school as they please.

How long did it take you to speak English so fluently?

Me: About 3 months

Concerned Parent/Student: Wow, tell me your secret. Maybe I can do what you did. 

That was usually my queue to tell the brief summary of my experiences during my first year in the U.S. But I never got to tell the whole thing before I was cut off like when someone yells cut in the middle of a scene and walks off the set and never comes back. Anyway, I want to take this chance to finally get all my words down in this one single uninterrupted article.

I came to the U.S. when I was 10, an age when it’s all about curiosity and learning. Moreover, I was prepared. In fact, I’ve been preparing for this trip ever since I was 7 and it did help that when I went to school in China, I was elected the class group leader for the English subject (英语科组长) two years in a row. 

When I landed that night at LAX, I was dove head first into a conundrum. My step-dad spoke nothing but English. I didn’t have a choice except learn the language. After a frustratingly difficult first Christmas, I was enrolled into the second semester of 5th grade even though I didn’t even finish the first semester of 4th grade.

Luckily, there was a Newcomer’s program. I was in a classroom 8 hours a day, 5 days a week learning the basics of the English language along with 15 or so other newcomers from other parts of the globe (mainly Mexico). 

Each afternoon, after getting home from school, I sat in front of the TV watching non-stop comedy and other shows. I wasn’t even allowed to turn to the Chinese channel. At first, I couldn’t understand a thing. It wasn’t until a couple months later that I finally managed to grasp the jokes and the funniness of the shows. 

That first summer, mom got a job at a tutoring center teaching newcomer kids English and dragged me along. By the time summer was over, I was as fluent as I could be after 9 months of constant learning. On the other hand, my Chinese went way down because of the lack of usage. I can still speak fluently but reading and writing, not so much. 

Most of the time, all they grasped was that watching TV can learn English and nothing else. I told them though, if you are willing to put in the effort, you can accomplish anything. 

I wanted to post yesterday but…

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Exhaustion and laziness took over. Ever since my test on Tuesday, I didn’t want to do anything. Even now, I still don’t want to do anything but I can’t do that, can I?

On Friday morning, after waiting ’til the last day, I finally got an agenda for Saturday’s club meeting. Then that night, after spending a half-an-hour late in the night preparing for a last-minute speech, I decided to just wing the speech the next day, speak at the top of my head even though I wrote the speech more than two weeks ago as a “Throwback Thursday” post (hint: it’s the one about braces).

Yesterday morning, I was again shaken out of bed in the wee early hours (6:30 am) in the morning by mom for what was the 6th time this week. She was in a hurry off to her monthly training and was having trouble scanning papers onto her computer. So here I am, half asleep, trying to see the blurry error message on the computer while operating the scanner. It just said the printer was low in ink. Why couldn’t she read that for herself?

As soon as that was done, I immediately went back to sleep only to be woken up less than 2 minutes later. This time, she couldn’t find her phone. “Where’s my cell?” She stood over me demanded.

“Um, it’s charging in your room?” I groaned sleepily.

She shuffled out the room and found the phone on her nightstand, charging. “How did you know where it was?” She said where she put it like 10 minutes ago, didn’t she? But I was simply too sleepy to answer.

Anyway, three hours later, I found myself along with two other members of my club trying to get into our meeting spot. I used to work at the school and got my finger printed to access the building. Unfortunately, the security system at the door is all too stubborn. It refused to let me in! I kept pressing my thumb on the thing and it kept flashing red light until my luck changed. It beeped and just like that the doors unlocked and we’re in.

The school corridor felt empty, dark, and cold like I’ve just walked onto a horror movie set. Thank god I wasn’t alone, otherwise I’d be scared. We used the school library for our meeting spot and in the end, only two other people showed. So our meeting was short and quick with me winging my speech in six-minutes-sixteen-seconds and a lot of suggestions were made to improve the meeting. Afterward, I went home, made some of my mom’s famous wontons and went up to my room. But not before mom’s annoying friend called and said she would come over to bring some vegetables to us.

That basically delayed me in taking the quizzes for my summer classes. An hour later, she showed up with two large white bags, one with Chinese bok choy and the other filled with watercress. It barely fit into the fridge but I forced it in. Ah, finally, I can take my exam BUT as I logged onto the website and about to begin, mom comes home and demanded I help her unload the grocery. Now our fridge is basically full to the brim. The cherries are stacked on top of the eggs, the vegetables are on top of the rice, and the pound cakes are squeezed in the middle.

Then it was exam time. I took almost the entire time (1 hour), searching for answers on the web since the book was so lack of everything (details, answers…). Naturally, I got them all right. After that, I just didn’t want to do anything more. I didn’t want to relax either. I don’t know what I want to do exactly. All I know is I don’t want to take anymore exams!!!

But I can’t, can I. I have to take two more today and the midterm tomorrow. Then, I would have to work, complete 5 discussions for my microeconomics class, and write a 4-5 pages essay for both my micro and macroeconomics classes. (Sigh) At this rate, when can I go to the gym? This has to be my busiest summer yet.

I need to get my thoughts on something, don’t I?

Have a wonderful Sunday!

Goals for the remainder of this Summer

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Wait, it’s the “remainder of this Summer” already??? 😮

Yes! Yes, it is and before you know it, Fall rolls around and then the Winter. Time flies! I guess that’s the one down side of being so optimistic. Anyway, I’m going to savor what’s left of this summer by getting the most I can out of it.

  1. First and most important goal, PASS my two summer classes! And I don’t mean just C’s, I want A’s! But I have taken my GMAT exam yesterday, don’t ask, I now have one thing out of the way, I can focus on my remainder tasks which are classes.
  2. Become committed to exercise again. Even though I haven’t gain a pound over the last two months after I quit exercising because of all the crazy stuff that’s popped up out of the blue, I need to whip myself into shape again for when my aunt gets here. I don’t want to give her any excuses to make fun of me. So I need to go to gym and do some hard-core exercising. Who’s with me?peanuts-never-give-up-238x300
  3. Keep up with blogging! You cannot believe how many times I wanted to quit especially in the past week or past month even. That’s probably why my posts have been so shoddy but your likes, follows, comments, and all the traffic kept me going. I need to prove to myself that I AM NOT A QUITTER and do not have commitment issues.
  4. Keep my anxiety and anger under control. That is not a very good goal, is it? For me, it is. The fact that my emotions have never been so out of control scares me. I mean, often times, I am happy but then I would suddenly find myself getting angry over little things. I need to work on that.
  5. I don’t know at the moment what else I’d like to achieve over this summer. I can always read a few books but it’s not much compared to these big goals.

In my opinion, this summer have been the least “chilled” and productive summer of my life. So much to do and no time to do it. Just work and study but at least now I have one less thing to study. 🙂

Thanks for reading and see you back here soon!

Sorry for Starting the Fire

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Don’t worry, I didn’t start any actual fire or burn anything. It’s just a way to describe what I went through this past hour. Continue reading “Sorry for Starting the Fire” →