Tag: Humor

Think before Be

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Today’s prompt asks, To be, to have, to think, to move — which of these verbs is the one you feel most connected to? Or is there another verb that characterizes you better?

To think, that definitely characterize me. Although sometimes, I should just be because I tend to over-think the simplest of situation and end up with consequences.

I think the person that’s at fault for this characteristic might be my mom. At the age of five, she began sending me to chess lessons. Apparently, chess is a popular game that most parents send their five or six year old kid for lessons, maybe to see if they’ve got a prodigy.

Oh my gosh, I still remember those lessons. The instructor spent the first night handing us all a yay-size book that had the basic moves and all the tricks and then we paired up and play while the parents stood against the wall and watched. I don’t remember mom being there but I sure do remember that it was her that dropped me off and picked me up each night.

With that book, you can imagine everyone in that class knew all the tricks. I did too except I can’t apply it because my opponent would see it coming from a mile away. Anyway, I sucked at chess. Even now I suck. I can’t even beat my own self at the game. But a few classes later, I figured out how the other kids got so good. I saw their eyes move all over the chess board, determining their next move and the move after that. I started doing that too but it didn’t work. I still lost. Eventually, mom gave up sending me to lessons.

I used to be a “to be” person but after those chess lessons, it changed me forever. It’s morphed me into a “to think” person. Now, like a chess game, I would think and analyze every situation before acting, not that it’s bad thing but I just wish that I can just do what my instinct tells me and not think about the consequences.

I DO NOT Eat Everything!

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

picky2I have been in the United States for almost 13 years now, more than half of my life had been spent here. When I meet Chinese folks, they tend to have all kinds of assumptions about my diet. Oh, you’ve been here a long time, you must eat all American food. Not exactly. What do you normally eat dinner? Most would ask. Rice, vegetables and meat, I’d tell them.

When I worked for the Li’s earlier this year, they were even more ridiculous. They often asked me to eat the stuff that they don’t like such as cold pizza, burritos (chimichanga), and even over-sweetened cakes. I was like, why don’t you eat them? Don’t treat me like a garbage disposer. I remember a quote from my mom’s speech, “If there are 4 legs and it can walk, it’s food.” I guess they took it literally. When I complained to mom about it, she came up with the term, Garbage Mouth. It means someone who eat everything literally. image03291553

No, that is not me. I am a super ridiculously picky eater. Okay, maybe that’s exaggerating a little but it’s true and I hate it when people assume I eat everything. One thing I tell you I do not eat is onions. Green, red, spring, anything that belongs to the onion family, I DO NOT eat, that includes leeks. I like the smell of minced garlic with vegetables but I throw it away right after.

Another kind of food I don’t like is squishy sloppy food. You’re like what? I’m talking about anything hot that makes the squishy sound when I squeeze it. No, Popsicles don’t count. Those include burritos, sloppy Joes, apply sauce, well, you get my point.

Oh and don’t get me started on smelly food. Smelly food makes my stomach churn and I can’t think around those kinds of food and I don’t mean like when people say they can’t think around food. I literally I get headaches and want to vomit.

One time when I was still living in L.A., My step-dad and his friends decided to go to an Indian restaurant after church since his friends resided in India for quite some time. As we entered the restaurant, the smell of curry was so potent that immediately I ran back outside and wanted to vomit. I’d never mind the smell of hot curry, in fact I liked curry, until that moment. It turned out what I smelled was a different kind of curry, I forgot what they called it but it was horrible. So no Greek, Thai, or Indian food for me.

Frankly, I can sit here and go on and on about what I don’t like to eat but I think by the time I’m done, you all might unsubscribe my blog so I’m going to end with these three. For now though, I think I’d stick to my favorite foods, Chinese, American, and Italian food.

If I meet my extended family…

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

extended circlesIn the past week, I’ve managed to learn something new about my extended family. It turns out I have a bunch more of family in China, more than I’ve ever known (grandparents, aunts, uncles).

Anyway, for as long as I could remember, I’ve always been the second oldest among my cousins that is until mom told me a couple days ago about an older cousin whom I’ve never known about in China. Now, I maybe third eldest or the forth or the fifth… Whoever knows.

I had to asked, “How much more family do I have?”

She chuckled, “More than you know.”

“Well, then the next time I go back, remind me to have them sit in one room and everyone will introduce themselves.”

If I am to meet all of them, my entire clan, for the first time today and I assume today means the present, some time in the 21st century and not some time in the 1900’s, that is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to sit them all in a giant circle, the eldest shall sit directly across from me while from there on, the circle shall go in a counter-clockwise direction with age like the second eldest would sit to the left of the eldest and it goes on. Then we’ll go around the circle introducing each other.

I am sure that is the strangest way they have ever encountered to introduce themselves, after all, why would they need to? They know each other. Unfortunately I don’t know them, so we’ll do it my way. Wait, would I be known as the family’s weirdo after that? I bet I will but I am sure some of my many cousins will have my back. So I’ll probably have a posse. 🙂

Two nominations in a month! – One Lovely Blog Award

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

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Wow, I’m flattered and honored. Earlier this month, my other blog, Hidden Stars, was nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by SHRUTIGOPINATH and then yesterday, this blog, My Simple Life, was nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by Vik Tory Arch. Thank you all so much. You’re the reason which I continue to blog.

Here are the rules:

  1. You must thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog.You must list the rules and display the award.
  2. You must add 7 facts about yourself.
  3. You must nominate 15 (or more) other bloggers and comment on one of their posts to let them know they have been nominated.

Here are 7 more facts about me that I have not listed yet:

  1. I used to play the piano. I learned it during my Sophomore year in high school and I got pretty good at it, at least according to my step-dad. He even spent $600 on a digital piano so I have something to practice on.
  2. During that time, I spent part of the time also learning guitar but unfortunately my fingers couldn’t reach the strings. So my step-dad gave up, at least until I could master the “G” note.
  3. I skipped half of the Fall semester and the spring semester of 4th grade as well as the Fall semester of 5th grade. So technically, I skipped an entire grade.
  4. After nearly a month into the semester, I think my understanding of accounting is so many times clearer than engineering. Is that strange? Maybe I should’ve swapped major a few years ago.
  5. During the past two or three years, the music on my ipod has changed dramatically, from pop and R&B to rock, indie, and alternative. Pop just sound so annoying these days.
  6. My favorite colors are light purple, black, and white. These choices have never changed.
  7. I have always been told my skin feels icy. Frankly, I have no idea but my mom and aunt like to wrap their arms around me during the warmest time. It’s nice but I’d be sweating to death. 🙂

As for my nominations, I am nominating everyone because I think everyone is awesome in their own way.

Life’s Tiny Rambles

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

Okay, I guess you know by now that I like to talk about me. Well, who doesn’t? Talking about ourselves is the best subject we know. Well, today, I can because the daily prompt is to just write for 10 minutes.

Anyway, yesterday was a weird day. I went to school and while in class, the wire in my braces shifted and popped out, forcing me to have to waste $1.99 to call my orthodontist. Thank god, his receptionist picked up and I was able to fix it yesterday.

I had to hurried home right after class and made a bowl of ramen noodle. Mom wasn’t home and either was my aunt and cousin, mom took them to register for classes at the community learning center and shopping for food. They bought a lot especially my cousin.

So I left for the orthodontist just as they decided to take a nap to adjust to the time difference. When I came back 2 hours later, they are still asleep! Mom urged me to wake them up. Why do I have to do everything around here? So I did.

Last night, they were so awake. I wonder if they slept at all last night. Well today is their entrance exam to see which level of ESL class they should be placed in. I have to take them there in about 30 minutes.

Well, 10 minutes is almost up and I am in danger of one of them busting through my door any second to wake me up. So I guess that’s all I am going to say today. Have a great day! 🙂

Late Night Thoughts

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I am a bit scared right now. Outside my bedroom window parked three cop cars. The last time there were this many cop cars outside my home was a few years ago when mom and I had just moved into our current home. Our neighbor had called the cops one night after they heard shots fired.

It turned out it was a group of idiots in the next street playing a game of paintball with BB guns and plastic bullet. Then when the plastic bullets ricocheted off of the garbage cans, it made this loud bang. It scared me to death when I went to take out the garbage. Anyway several police cars came that night and I never again heard another loud bang in the neighborhood again.

The only other time I’ve seen a police car outside my home was when a cop pulled someone over for speeding. That is until tonight. I could’ve sworn those police cars weren’t there when I watched the carpet installer left a hour ago. When did they get here? Why are they here?

I cringe at the sight of cop cars. I don’t like police but then who does? The last time I had a run-in with a police-officer, I got a citation for not yielding cars going straight. It wasn’t my fault, I tell ya but the cop rather believe the big-breasted lady with sad puppy dog eyes and totaled car. Also, at the sight of police, I feel like I’ve done something wrong even though I didn’t.

When I noticed the cars 30 minutes ago, creepy and horrible thoughts began to take over my mind. What if they are monitoring my activities? Or could the cops be friends with my next door neighbor and he’s just over there visiting or staying the night? Or what if one of my neighbors had done something wrong? My teeth are clattering here.

Stop it! Geez, it’s not like they are flashing lights or screaming over the bullhorn to tell me to come out and surrender. Relax. They are just parked there, occupying a quarter of the curb to my driveway, but they are just there. Oh, please tell me that’s it. That’s what all it is. It’s been a long, confusing, and horrible day and I don’t want to deal with anything else.

Good night and be back tomorrow morning. 🙂

100th Post: First One Lovely Blog Award Nomination

Published on by Yinglan10 Comments

I have saved my 100th for the best. When I started this blog less than a year ago, I had no idea I would reach the 100th post so soon. I thought since this blog is reserved for fiction only, I wouldn’t be able post a lot on it. But here I am, less than one year later and voila, 100th post.

I would like to thank SHRUTIGOPINATH for nominating me for One Lovely Blog Award. It is my first nomination and this blog’s first nomination not only for the One Lovely Blog Award but this is the first award for this specific blog.

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So here are the rules: (According to the post on Shrutigopinath’s site)

  1. Thank the person who has nominated you. Provide a link to his/her blog.
  2. List the rules and display the award image.
  3. Include 7 facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know that they have been nominated.  This is a way to introduce others to bloggers that you love.
  5. Display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you.

7 facts about me:

  • I like to brew my stories, let it develop in my mind before I write it all down.
  • I don’t like inconclusive endings. So I would often wonder what would happen next in my mind but I never write them down for reasons that are beyond my comprehension.
  • I believe I lack a sense of humor but then I feel like I am trying too hard to be funny. So pardon my humorless tales. 🙂
  • I am slightly caffeine intolerant. I get headache when I drink coffee and even coke. That leaves hot cocoa and sprite.
  • I have a desire to move to a country (rural) setting or somewhere there are different color of trees according to the season and no planes flying over my head. However, I still want to stay a stone throw away from civilization (towns, cities but not big cities like Chicago).
  • I super duper want to travel to another country or continent. I want to explore other civilizations.
  • I try either too hard or not hard enough. I don’t know what’s in between but I am either one extreme or the other. Like with trying to make friends, either I don’t try at all and let them come to me or I’d try super hard to make them like me.

Nominations:

  1. Thin Spiral Notebook
  2. alifeindetails
  3. Optimistic Kid
  4. I’m a Writer, Yes I Am
  5. New Teacher Life
  6. WAKE UP YOUR LUCK
  7. TAKESHI’S FLIGHT
  8. Brainstorm.
  9. Sugar-Coating Since ’91
  10. Sapient Chronicles
  11. H.M. Brooks Writes
  12. teleportingweena
  13. In a small compass…
  14. My Hong Kong husband
  15. I AM YOUR TWILIGHTSTAR (I think your blog is awesome too.) 🙂

If I can only dream…

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

About two years ago, while I was heading to the computer lab to print off some papers, a boy I don’t remember meeting came up to me and said, “How are you?”

I was like, “There are good.” Do I know you? I wanted to ask but if he knew me, I should have known him too. Perhaps we were in a class together. Besides, I was afraid of looking stupid for not remembering someone but now after graduating, I realized that wasn’t stupid at all. I’ve been in numerous classes, there are ought to be a few forgotten faces along the way.

Anyway, he nodded, “Well it’s nice to see you again.” Then he walked away.

I continued walking toward the computer lab, reminiscing my strange encounter. Who is that? Then I started ticking off the classes I’ve been in so far and kept coming back to the Computer Science class I took about a year earlier. Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s the class we shared.

If I twisted this situation and changed the location to say, oh I don’t know, a cafe, and instead of saying how are you, he says, “I’ve been looking for you.” I would had been completely freaked because there are two reasons and only two reasons why he would say those words:

  1. He has been looking for his soul mate or someone that has a mysterious supernatural connection to him and it just so happens to be me. That is if such thing exist.
  2. I forgot I have a team assignment and I didn’t do my part. This guy just come and drag me to work on the assignment.

I would have asked, “Do I know you?” under reason #1 or “Oh my gosh, did I forget the group assignment?” under reason #2. Then I would probably get either an exasperating answer or a don’t worry about it, we’re already finished. That would be my lucky day and I lean back to enjoy my drink.

Under reason #1 however, I would imagine him smiling and sits down. Then we’d start a conversation about whatever and fall in love almost instantaneously. Then we get married and live happily ever after. Did I mention I am a dreamer? Yeah, well if I can only dream of such situation happening in real life…

Locked and Sealed or So I thought

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Once in a while, we all spill a few secrets, unintentionally of course, but we can’t help it. Conversations just starts and sometimes it just comes naturally. Some might think that this is just an act of nosiness. I don’t agree. In fact, I think this is an act of nosiness.

I remember earlier this year, at Chinese New Year, when mom’s friend invited me out to dinner, I ranted to her in confidence about my fight with grandparents two nights before. At least or so I thought.

Exactly a week later, when mom came back from her temporary duty in D.C. and asked her friend out to morning tea, that friend, the one I ranted to, retold the entire thing to mom. I just sat there, my face reddened and jaw dropped a little while my heart felt like it was going to pop out any minute. I was afraid to see mom’s reaction.

Fortunately, she decided to not embarrass me right there in the restaurant. She didn’t say anything. Mostly, it’s because she knew the whole thing already. I told her right after that phone call. Still though, I ranted to her friend in confidence and her friend had just spilled it out. It was like it was in the conversation either. We just walked in, sat down, and that’s the first thing she said.

After tea, mom and I got into the car. That was when she gave me the look of disapproval. “Why did you have to tell her that?” She asked me.

Yeah, why did I tell her friend the fight between me and my grandparents? Well first thing’s first, I did not expect her to blab to mom about it. I expected her to just keep it to herself. Also, mom wasn’t around, so I had to complain to someone about my failed relationship with my grandparents.

“I didn’t really tell her.” I lied.

“Really, then how did she know so much?” I shrugged. “Well, in the future, don’t tell her anything. You know she’s nosy. That’s why I don’t tell her anything about my work.”

That’s how that risky conversation ended and from then on, I just kept my mouth shut whenever I’m around that friend.

Lessons learned:

  1. Never complain to nosy friend. They’ll just re-tell it to someone else whenever they get a chance.
  2. Lying sometimes can help avoid an argument.

Have a great day! 🙂

Sticking to the Present

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I woke up this morning, feeling confident and energized. I turned on my computer and took a look at the daily prompt.

You’ve been granted the power to predict the future! The catch — each time you use your power, it costs you one day (as in, you’ll live one day less). How would you use this power, it at all?

I often dreamed of having such powers as predicting the future but what good would this power do if it cost me a day? Also, wouldn’t it be the same as letting everything play out instead of trying to change it before it occurs?

I have learned from many movies, TV shows, and books that trying to change the future would cause devastation and tragic effects. Gee, even the story I’m writing tells exactly just that. Don’t meddle with future.

So even though it would be nice to find out what the future will be like, you know, whether I will get a job, get married, and have kids, etc, I think I’ll stick to the present and let fate plays out.

This is just a quick post to start my morning. I have a club meeting to go to and then who know what. Catch ya later. 🙂

12 Again???

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt says I’m suddenly trapped in the body of a 12-year-old. Oh no but at the same time, oh yay!

Let’s see, 12, that means 2003, two years after I arrived in the United States. My English had already become slightly fluent, not as good as now but I could understand and keep up a conversation.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind going back to middle school. It would be like a second chance for me. I would be the genius of the class because I’ve already learned everything and this time, I would not shied away. I would actually and go make friends, go to parties, dates, etc.

If I was stuck in the body of a 12 year old, by the time I am my age now, I probably won’t be still living at home. I will probably be roaming the world or living somewhere else. I wouldn’t have made such a mistake as to listen to mom’s friend to choose an engineering major in college. I would have chosen some other major that dealt more with money and math like what I’m on my way to do now, accounting. With that said, if I’ve chosen the correct major for my undergraduate, I would not be still stuck in a classroom now.

So being granted such an awesome second chance would be fabulous even if I have to stuck inside someone else’s body. Not only do I get a second chance but I also get to make a difference.

Well, it’s time for school. I’m especially excited today because I am planning to join Beta Alpha Psi, a club for accountant professional. It said it would be able to help me find a job. Today’s the introductory meeting. I hope I can get in what with my dismal GPA from my undergraduate. I wish I was granted a second chance in this area. Wipe my GPA clean and let me start over. 🙂

Wish me luck in getting into this club. 🙂

Someone calling my name?

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I don’t consider myself to be a listener because somehow I just like to talk about myself as if I haven’t share enough with anyone. Sometimes, though, I like to Continue reading “Someone calling my name?” →

First Days

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As a kid, I dreaded going to school on the first day. Even now, that dread is still there. Continue reading “First Days” →

A Strange Variation in Alphabet Pronunciation

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There are ups and downs to being a teacher. The downs? Grading papers and skulking the students to pay attention and listen in class. The ups? I can tell and laugh about the student’s mistakes afterwards. Continue reading “A Strange Variation in Alphabet Pronunciation” →

An Ironic Situation

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When someone tells you you need to buy a new something to replace your current something and then your current something suddenly breaks down the next day or so, do you consider this situation to be weird, ironic, perhaps? Continue reading “An Ironic Situation” →

Mysterious Secret Admirer

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I remember a very funny and joyous situation happen to me during my Senior year of high school. Continue reading “Mysterious Secret Admirer” →

The Car’s Simple Name

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I don’t think a lot of people would go through the trouble of naming things that don’t move and don’t talk but here I am, six years later and still trying to name my elderly car. Continue reading “The Car’s Simple Name” →

Books and Prizes

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Today’s prompt talked about watching a TV show or movie or reading a book that left me cold despite of all the raving from friends, critics, etc.vintage-book-grass-green-photography-us-com-250746

I usually don’t watch any shows or movies until I read at least some of the comments from the internet. Oh, who am I kidding? Normally, I just go with my gut and read the facebook comments while watching the shows on hulu. Most of the time though, I would agree with the comments but on occasions, I would disagree. Sometimes, the show or movie with the most horrible comments turns out to my favorite.

Books are the same thing. I remember about a decade ago, my friend gave me a book for my birthday. I can’t remember the title except it had something to do with the moon. It’s even won a Pulitzer Prize of Literature. I can just remember that shiny gold thing on the cover. I have no idea why my friend recommended it. It’s not like she read much (seriously, I never seen her open a book).

Anyway, I have to tell you, that is the most boring book I have ever read. I tried year after year to finish the first chapter and I just couldn’t do it. I just stared at that first sentence over and over again.

I gave the book to my step-dad and had him have a crack at it since he loves reading and was willing to read anything. It took him two weeks. Two weeks! That is by far the longest it’s taken him to finish a book and the book was only 400-some pages!

His reaction was the same as mine though, BORING! Hmm, I wonder, if it’s so boring, how did it win the Pulitzer? But in my opinion, sometimes the boring-est books win the most prizes and the most exciting books will win nothing.

A Simple Choice

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If a literary-minded witch gave me a choice that at a flick of her wand, I would either become an obscure novelist whose work will be admired and studied by a select few for decades, or a popular paperback author whose books give pleasure to millions. Continue reading “A Simple Choice” →

Second opinion always matters!

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Second opinion always matters, no matter what situation we’re in. I just so happens to be very insecure when it comes to trusting my own gut. Continue reading “Second opinion always matters!” →

Maybe just need some inspiration…

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Writer’s Block, the Comic Credit: WriteRight

I’m kind of surprised I’ve managed to write something each day of last and this week. Ever since I finished my term papers for my classes and began working on this month’s translation update, my head felt completely occupied, like there’s no more room for writing. I’m not sure if this is writer’s block or something else but for some reason, I just can’t feel the motivation to write anymore.

Maybe my life just been busy and boring as heck. With mom gone for two weeks, I’m just stuck at home working 24/7 while have to cook, water the lawn, work, and go to the gym. Ugh, it’s sucks to be grown up sometimes.

Anyway, it seemed like my block is just for life stuff. I don’t think I have any problem writing fictional tales. Hey, maybe it’s not a writer’s block after all, maybe I just have nothing to write about life or maybe I just need some inspiration.

A Curious Tale For a Saturday

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It is very hard to sleep in sometime even when I’m given the chance. This morning, I woke up to loud laughs and shouts downstairs. Continue reading “A Curious Tale For a Saturday” →

How to write a simple English essay

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When I taught English-as-a-second-language (ESL) at the private school, usually, the first thing I asked my students was what aspect of the English language they needed most help on and all of them said Continue reading “How to write a simple English essay” →