Good morning, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? About 10 months since our last Weekend Coffee Share? Lots have changed to the point that our coffee share have become more virtual than it’s ever been.
Continue reading “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Weird Dream, Potential Work Burnout, What’s Next?” →
If 2020 has gifted me anything good, it would be the abundance of time spent at home and the lack of opportunity to eat out. This really allowed me to explore the diverse world of food over the world-wide-web. I have fallen in love with so many different dishes and foods I had never thought I would like.
Continue reading “5 Foods I Enjoy Because They Are Good For Me” →
Do you enjoy skiing or ice skating or if it’s warm where you are, hiking or enjoying outdoor sports?
In the recent years, I have become somewhat of an avid hiker though I’m still mostly sticking to easy and moderate level hiking trails – the difficulty is based on alltrails.com.
I would love to try snowshoeing in the back-country. I can imagine it’d be fun and different.
I tried skiing a few years ago. It was a painful experience because I haven’t had the calcium accumulation taken out of my leg which had caused a lot of pain walking in the ski boots. I would love to try again though as I’d think it won’t be as painful now as before.
Do you give to charities or homeless that you might encounter, during this time of year, more than you do otherwise?
I donate when I can – usually to either nature conservation agencies or World Wildlife Fund – it doesn’t matter the time of the year. When I have some spare change, I would donate.
What is the most enjoyable activity you engage in during December? Is it a tradition for you and your family?
Office parties and the 12-days of Christmas hosted yearly by my department.
Is it sad to say those are the only things I enjoy about December? Being from China, my family doesn’t celebrate Christmas or any of the year-end holidays and my mom’s always bitter during this time of the year because there’s always problems with one of her two tenants during November or December.
What changes will C-19 bring to your festive celebrations this year?
All the fun holiday activities at work got canceled – year-end company party has moved to virtual, 12 days of Christmas is canceled, and departmental Christmas dinner has become ordering from DoorDash and virtually sharing meals over some unpredictable and limited internet bandwidths.
Here comes more mantras: you’re not dirty, you are an intelligent human being, you are not a brainless person when it comes to buying stuff.
Continue reading “Stress Talk #4: Mission Impossible: Meal Prep” →
You are not selfish. You are not a bad person. You are good.
Continue reading “Stress Talk #3: Everyone else must be miserable because I am” →
So… it’s another Friday or in the pandemic world of 2020, it’s just anther day.
Continue reading “Stress Talk #2: It’s Friday, so?” →
After speaking to my dietitian/therapist this week, I decided to start this weekly series as a way to de-stress from everyday life, to scream at my inner voice and so forth. It might be very random things and some might be humorous. I’ll try to keep it light.
I don’t know how to relax. Is that a weird thing to say? I don’t know how to relax. There, I said it. Can you blame me though even though I’m sitting here now writing this, feeling stressed to the brink?
From what?
From work, family, life.
Do you sometimes feel like you’re being rushed from place to place and never have a moment to just stop and look around you or contemplate on the present? That’s been me for the past twenty-some odd years. My mom wants things done right away. When I was living with my step-dad, he, too, wanted things done in the moment. When I was living with my relatives in China, everything must be done in an instant. It was what was expected of me but it’s never reciprocated.
You know what’s strange?
I never really noticed it until the recent years when I began working multiple jobs while going to school and then I’d come home and my mom would want me to do this and that. Maybe my internal stress meter has been slowly peaking and I didn’t realize it. Or maybe my age is catching up. I’m not as young as when I started this blog 7 years ago. I sometimes would look myself in the mirror and would find crow’s feet at the corners of my eyes.
I recently watched a documentary about stress. In it, eating was mentioned. It turned out sugar is less sweet when a person is stressed and foods are more delicious when one is stressed. Really? I decided to do a test and it’s absolutely right.
Maybe it’s why I’ve been overeating again, even being on an anti-diet. I think I am overeating because I’m stressed. “I feel like pulling my hair out,” I told my dietitian and honestly, I feel like I’m about to break down into one big sob.
I’m overeating because I’m constantly working excess of the 40-hour standard work week. My mom was saying, “the more overtime you work, the better.” I overeat because of the constant disruption. Everybody wants something from me and it seems like that’s the only time I worth something to them. Other times, I’m just a “silly” girl.
My 24-year-old cousin needs help registering from college classes, guess who he turn to? My uncle needs to shop for a car, guess who’s going to do that for him? The family needs health insurance, who will help them buy insurance?
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
It is so incredible the other 7 individuals in my mom’s clan think I can bought with money. “Here, take this $100.” One of them would toss an 100-dollar bill in my direction whenever they want something done for them.
What am I? I would often wonder. I’m certainly not a dancer at a strip club.
I am someone with two college degrees and a steady job, making more money than them. I don’t need the money. I don’t want the money. It would screw up the accounting of my money. Besides, I am a person, not an object. Why do they think I can be bought?
For the last two years, ever since my mom’s entire family immigrated to the U.S and re-entered my life again after 15 or 16 years, I feel like I have been under constant stress. There were some days, especially during the last few months, I’d find myself feeling down because not only my family doesn’t respect me and constantly trying to change me but they only come to me when they want something.
Then, there have been some days, it makes me so angry I want to punch something or someone while some days, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Unfortunately, after so many years of breaking down and getting back up again, I can no longer shed tears as easily as I could a few years ago.
After two years of formally getting re-acquainted with my mother, my aunts and uncles have all developed a kind of fear toward my mom that is associated with dictators. So they mostly come to me when they want something, instead of going to my mom because according to everybody, I don’t get angry. Oh, but I do, just not on the outside.
I bluntly said a few months ago, “Stop acting like you rule the world. You act like a dictator sometimes, you know that?”
“Oh, I’m a dictator now?” My mom replied, half-jokingly.
“That’s why they’re afraid of you. You’re so controlling.”
When I went on a solo hike the day after, she had her entire clan call me to check on me. My phone might had blown up if I could receive those calls but no service. That day was heaven.
There are days when I want to bang my head against the wall and it’s not because of work stress even though I do work 9, 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Work is actually more relaxing than dealing with family matters.
The phone calls, blood work reports, doctors bills…sadly and annoyingly, none of those are mine.
Several things would happen during work days:
Mom would come up and ask, “What does this sentence mean? How would you translate it?” or she’d complain, “this makes no sense to me” or “what a horrible grammar this is?”
Then my aunt would trudge over from the next door, “Can you take a look at this text and reply for me?”
Shortly after that, my mom would stomp in and request I look at my other aunt’s lab results and tell her what it mean. “I’m not a doctor.” I’d tell her. “Consult Google.” Okay, maybe that’s worse but at least I won’t be blame or maybe I will still get blamed (for not taking a look at the report). My mom loves to blame me whenever anything goes wrong. Whatever.
A wise man named Google once said it takes a person 20 minutes to focus again after a disruption.
I can’t remember how many minutes I spend each day staring at my work inbox before I realize I was working on something that had nothing to do with writing emails.
After a 2-mile hike last weekend, I arrived home, craving to sit down and enjoy a glass of water. My mom had other plans. “Your lettuces are dry as a bone. You need to go water them.”
“Give me a minute, let me take a breather.” It seemed like she wanted it done at that moment because there she was, filling a plastic bottle with water and marching to my mini-greenhouse to pour water on my growing lettuces. “Geez, I just hiked 2 miles, let me have a break” I also drove and listen to you criticize my driving again, I wanted to say. “I am human, not made of steel.”
“I never said you are.”
“Then stop demanding things, I will do them when I’m good and ready.”
I have been hearing people say this, “Oh you’re young, you can do anything.”
WRONG!
It doesn’t matter how young or old a person is, he or she is still human, and humans have limits. I don’t believe in such thing as “limitless.” Nobody can do everything and just like all machines, humans break down too. It’s just a matter of time.
I’m sure I sound like a lot of people from the younger generation. In fact, what prompted this blog post was because I watched a video on YouTube about how there were so few people from the 18-29 age group that had voted in the last Presidential election – only 46%. I was 25 then and I voted so I guess that makes me one of the minority.
Did I tell you I hate politics? Even though I’m fascinated by the study of politics or political science, I’d never watch CNN or CSPAN or any news networks that talks government 24/7. To me, watching politicians debate is like watching a bunch of dudes and gals arguing over the simplest matters using extremely technical jargons, to the point that no one can understand what was said.
As part of my 7-year college education, I had been there – trying to squeeze in as much college-level vocabulary as I can while trying to use filler words to make my essays as long as possible.
Did I mention my mom and I have been working from home since the March 18 earthquake?
It’s been a rough eight months. She works in the living room while I work upstairs in my room. During work hours, she has an office-issued desktop, a laptop, a tablet, and a phone opened to YouTube and from each device, there’d a video playing. Most of the time, it would be either Chinese news and gossip or presidential rallies with the songs “God Bless the USA” and “YMCA” playing on repeat.
To be honest, I can barely hear anything else other than those things nowadays. Those things are blaring 24/7, not kidding. She has headphones but refused to wear them, saying she doesn’t like the wire. So I bought her some wireless headphones but she’s indecisive about which device she should connect the headphones to. It’s been about two weeks and those brand-new headphones are still sitting on the dining room table. I’m pondering about returning them.
No, I won’t deny that fact. My mother is a big Trump fan (she said it herself). She listens to every word the man says and when someone says something awful about him, she would say that person is stupid.
Did I also mention she actively donates to the campaign and buy the merchandise? In my mind, I think that’s a little bit crazy. How does she know she’s donating to the right cause and not just some scam?
I can’t say I’m a fan of anybody or anything. I don’t have an opinion (unlike my mother) or a sway of one candidate for the other.
All I know is the music has got to stop before I go insane. All I know is government politics created this situation and I want the noise to stop before I go insane. Being woken up one night with loud music coming from my mom’s room is okay but every night is not okay.
With the election days away, everyone in the family is talking about it even though the only two people with voting rights are me and my mom. Then when I want to change the topic, everyone would either try to talk over me or they’d shush me.
Last night over dinner, my cousin was talking about how he would vote for Joe Biden if he could. “Well, you just got kicked out of the family.” My mom said half-jokingly. She had said that exact thing to me after interrogating and pestering me on who I voted for ever since I dropped my vote at the ballot drop box last Tuesday. “You voted for Biden, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”
“I’m not telling you.” I said. “Who I voted for reserves to be my right.”
“If you voted for Biden, I will disown you.” Whatever, I rolled my eyes after she finally left the room. This is my house, you first need to move out.
Back to dinner last night, after my mom mentioned about placing bets to see who would win the election, everyone began shouting and asking me where they could place bets.
What am I, Google? “Look it up yourselves, you all have phones…” and a pair of hands and a pair of eyes. Surprise, surprise, I didn’t get to finish my sentence. My mom shushed me, she was watching election news on YouTube.
This has been on my mind for a while now ever since I began my balanced diet lifestyle but I’ve been too preoccupied to write it all down. So here it is, my experience with intermittent fasting and reasons it did not work.
I have been on many diets throughout my life – limited-calories diet, low fat diet, low sugar diet, and clean-eating-to-the-extreme diet – so intermittent fasting was just another diet to lose enough weight
View original post 1,399 more words
Can you believe we’re already at the end of July? Continue reading “What have I been doing? Why I haven’t written?” →
I got a haircut at a professional salon recently. When I got home a few hours later, my mom began to pick at my hair. I shooed her away. “What are you doing?” Continue reading “Tell Me a Lie” →
I was startled awake by a nightmare three nights ago – bolted upright in bed, hands around my neck, checking for the wetness and blood before exhaling the breath I didn’t know I was holding.
Continue reading “I Need to Calm Down!” →
Almost 3 years ago, I moved into my current home. There were raised beds in the backyard and the front yard was incredibly bare except for a Japanese Maple tree which my mom has threatened to cut it down many times since and I have to keep reminding her that this is my house, not hers.
2 years ago, I started creating my garden. I planted 2 cherry trees, 2 plum trees, 3 strawberry plants, and 6 dahlia bulbs hoping to stop my neighbors’ weeds from invading my yard.
Continue reading “Creating a Container Garden…” →
Looking at my posts, I can’t believe I haven’t written anything since the end of February. What’s wrong with me? Continue reading “So Much has Happened…” →
Good morning, thank you for joining me. Won’t you come in from the cold and join me for a cup of steamy hot coffee with some whipped cream on top? Continue reading “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Strange Week” →
Good morning, care to join me for a cup of fine Italian Roast? Or do you prefer instant coffee because I have that too. Continue reading “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Keep Calm, I’m just Exhausted!” →
Where do you get your news?
Google, either that or from a friend on Facebook. Google news is taiilored to the type of news I want to read so I’m only getting news in the areas I want to read, i.e. finance, entertainment, no politics mumbo jumbo.
When was the coldest you’ve ever been? The warmest?
By coldest, do you mean temperature as in what is the coldest place I’ve ever been? Because the coldest place I’ve ever been would be where I live now which is the frozen tundra of northern Utah. It’s been pretty chilly since September and these days, the temperature hardly moves above 32-degrees-Fahrenheit or 0-degrees-Celsius and when it does, I’d be sweating like crazy.
On the other hand, the warmest place I’ve ever been is Las Vegas and vicinity. That heat was so unbearable when I visited last summer. I felt like I somehow got put into a giant oven with a temperature setting of “bake until charred.”
What ‘old person’ thing do you do?
I like to talk on the phone instead of text or tweet or snapchat because by the time I type all I need to say on my phone, I would’ve already spoken it and received a reply. I am very impatient when it comes to waiting for a reply.
Do you eat food that’s past its expiration date if it still smells and looks fine?
I have admit, yes, I do do that. In fact, I did that last week when I used a bottle of rice vinegar that was expired in 2017 to make some salad dressing. I don’t think vinegar goes bad and that rice vinegar didn’t taste funky to me.
Good morning, let’s drink some coffee and have some breakfast, shall we? Continue reading “#WeekendCoffeeShare: Curious (About Cheese)” →
Happy New Year everyone! Continue reading “Goals and Hopes for 2020” →
Of course, I have to wrap 2019 with my top favorite photos taken in 2019. Continue reading “Favorite Photos of 2019” →
It seems like only cool people attend high school reunions, but that’s just my opinion. Continue reading “Cool People and High School Reunions” →
What’s the first thing you notice about a person? Continue reading “Share Your World – Week of March 4, 2019” →
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