Tag: Diary

Sharing the Saddness

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

82336-oI can choose to listen to happy songs but I cannot choose a happy movie, or show, or book. Every movie, show, and book have its tear-jerking moment. It’s simply unavoidable. Those moments make me cry like a puppy.

Mom and aunts used to say I’m low on my emotions quotient (EQ) because I did not react to things as well as they expect me to. Well, how did you expect me to react when I am constantly being threatened with a feather duster? The first time, sure I react with a little tears because I was a child but enough time, I grow as hard as a shell.

When I told mom I cried like a baby when I was reading the book If I Stay, she scoffed and said, “What’s there to cry about? People live and they die.” Then she went into this big lecture about god-knows-what. I stopped listening. The same thing happened when I told what a good book it was when I read Everything we ever wanted.

To be honest, I rarely seen mom cry. I only seen her fake cry when she stubs her toe. It’s sort of like a laugh cry, no tears and her lower lip sticks out like a sad puppy. Her exterior shell must be tougher than a turtle and to mask her sadness, she chooses anger and frustration. Now, that’s sad.

I think crying is natural, it expresses our feelings and sometimes, you just can’t help feeling the sadness as one of the characters in the book, movie, or show. I remember when I read The Faults in our Stars, when one of the characters (I won’t spoil anything) died and the main character was completely sadden by the loss of her love, I could instantly feel tears creeping into my eyes and flowing steadily down my cheeks. I had to wipe it before mom came in and gave me another one of her lectures about how crying about a book is silly.

Look who’s got low emotions quotient now. Seriously, I think there’s something wrong with mom’s emotion, she is incapable of showing sadness. I didn’t even see her cry when one of our family members died in the past five years. She just sighed and said, “Well, that’s life. What can you do?” At least show a little tear and respect.

My Own Show

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I hate picking favorites of anything. I guess because I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. But secretly, I enjoy it. I just don’t like pick in front of people. But sometimes, I don’t really have favorites. Like shows and movies, if you’d ask me to pick a favorite, well that’s one question I cannot answer. Gee, I can’t remember what I watched.

Today’s prompt asks,

You’ve just been named the casting director of your favorite television show (or movie franchise). The catch: you must replace the entire cast — with your friends and family. Who gets which role?

I will tell you one thing, my family is out. I don’t care how much they want stardom, they would not in a lifetime be in anything where I am the casting director. Neither would my dad’s family because if I bring either family into a room, there would be arguing with somebody. With both sides of my family in the same, a war of two tribes would instantly brew.

Hey that could be a show. No no no, not when I am running the show!

If I can make up my own little show, the genre would be dramedy and it would feature my former best friend, Cindy, playing somewhat of the popular girl slash frienemy  to a foolish naive girl and then when that girl recovers and gains popularity, she’d dump her and instantly becomes her rival.

Okay, maybe if it’s a dramedy, it might feature my mom playing the annoying nagging ill-temper mother to that naive lonesome girl but that’s it. NO more family. Then the show or movie or whatever would be titled The Life or Diary of… of that naive girl’s name.

Well that’s it of my rambling. Have a great day and later. 🙂

Remnants of the Past

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Sort of like her, except more dramatic

I was incredibly annoyed and frustrated yesterday and last night. I think the only thing I actually enjoyed yesterday was the Beta Alpha Psi meeting and the lunch gathering afterwards. By the way, I’m in. 🙂 I will be an official associate member of the club after I paid my dues. I was going to try for member but the Membership VP of the chapter said in the presentation that it’s better to make my way up from an associate member. It’s not too bad. All I need is to attend five weeks of meetings and lunches plus help out another 10 hours like helping to set up for an events.

Anyway, ah yes, annoyed and frustrated. So I began working on this month’s translation yesterday afternoon. I did not tell mom any of this but I think she will find out sooner or later. I wanted to do this month’s translation in secret so I wouldn’t be rushed. I want to do it at my pace, see?

So mom came home, whined a little about why the plumber wasn’t here to fix the water heater. It shut off automatically the night before, making my shower icy cold. Thank god, at least it’s still summer. Anyway, after her whining, I went back to my “secret” work 😉 and she began doing her homework. She just had to take her laptop downstairs, I don’t know why. 5 minutes later, she whines, “How do you do homework on this thing?”

“You just follow the instruction on the screen.” I said, tired. She’s been like this all weekend. First with excel, now with Connect, an online software we use to access our homework. On Monday, I was so busy trudging between my room and downstairs that I barely got anything done. “I have my own homework too.” I told her.

But she retorted, “If I knew how to use excel, would I ask you?” She has a point but what about the past five years when I needed homework and all I got was a big lecture about never ever go to the library.  The past two days were the same, I told her, just google it. But no. That’s why I need to join this club, to get out especially when my family doubles. I don’t want to feel annoyed and frustrated as well as I don’t want to caught in the crossfire of their fighting.

Sorry I went through all this just to finally address the daily prompt, for those who got here through the pingback. I just really need to get things off my chest and I only have time for two posts today. I’m using my other post for a story on my other blog.

Okay, enough of my rambling, today’s daily prompt read:

500 years from now, an archaeologist accidentally stumbles on the ruins of your home, long buried underground. What will she learn about early-21st-century humans by going through (what remains of) your stuff?

The archaeologist would find evidence of a structurally sound house that was built in the late 20th century as well as the 21st century (partial new basement). If she dug in the backyard, she might find remnants of a variety of toys, plastic utensils, and evidence that there once was an apple tree and two Asian pear trees. Finally, she would learn that some people in the 21st century did not live with completely state-of-the-art, up-to-date technology like smartphone or ipad or iphone, etc., that some people in the 21st century are actually quite simple.

12 Again???

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Today’s Daily Prompt says I’m suddenly trapped in the body of a 12-year-old. Oh no but at the same time, oh yay!

Let’s see, 12, that means 2003, two years after I arrived in the United States. My English had already become slightly fluent, not as good as now but I could understand and keep up a conversation.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind going back to middle school. It would be like a second chance for me. I would be the genius of the class because I’ve already learned everything and this time, I would not shied away. I would actually and go make friends, go to parties, dates, etc.

If I was stuck in the body of a 12 year old, by the time I am my age now, I probably won’t be still living at home. I will probably be roaming the world or living somewhere else. I wouldn’t have made such a mistake as to listen to mom’s friend to choose an engineering major in college. I would have chosen some other major that dealt more with money and math like what I’m on my way to do now, accounting. With that said, if I’ve chosen the correct major for my undergraduate, I would not be still stuck in a classroom now.

So being granted such an awesome second chance would be fabulous even if I have to stuck inside someone else’s body. Not only do I get a second chance but I also get to make a difference.

Well, it’s time for school. I’m especially excited today because I am planning to join Beta Alpha Psi, a club for accountant professional. It said it would be able to help me find a job. Today’s the introductory meeting. I hope I can get in what with my dismal GPA from my undergraduate. I wish I was granted a second chance in this area. Wipe my GPA clean and let me start over. 🙂

Wish me luck in getting into this club. 🙂

Heavy-Duty Labor Day

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

This is mine, there's another one
This is mine, there’s another one

Happy Labor Day, Everyone! I don’t know about you but I am exhausted. They don’t call it Labor day for nothing. Every year, mom and I try to use this possibly last weekend to do all we can around the house, at least before it starts to snow. Every year, it involves painting some part of the house except last year when I had to work through the weekend. My former boss was very demanding then.

These last two days, we’ve painted the rooms and the hall linen closet in the basement. Yesterday, we lined the new shelves with adhesive shelf liner that makes the shelves look like wood. The pile of boxes in the basement finally has a home now next to the furnace. My stereo, on the other hand, still needs a home. Then today, mom said she wants to move this big bureau or dresser, I don’t know what you call it, from the basement up to my aunt’s room. That’s 4 floors! I think I’m going to faint. 😦

I’ve never thought there would be another one of this but I’m glad I got this one in my room because the one in the basement is hideous with its unevenly blue painted drawers, it looks like someone painted it with water color. It was given or rather threw it at us by my former boss’s wife, they didn’t want it because they thought it was trashy and ugly. So naturally, they begged us to take it. Now we need to find a proper place for it instead of the basement. Ugh, mover, that’s a job I can never imagine myself doing.

Wait the minute, is that right? Let me think, I’ve worked at quite a few odd jobs in the past decade or so. I remember my first one was advertisement brochure assembler. I was responsible for placing the Velcro in the brochure. That was okay except my fingers got hurt from sticking the rough Velcro onto the laminated paper.

There there was babysitter job in 9th grade. Ugh, that I would probably never do again. Sweaty toddlers are so slimy. That’s another job I cannot imagine myself doing. After that it was all office jobs, receptionist, secretary, linguist. I won’t get into too much detail, you hear me talk enough.

Those jobs that don’t involve too much movement, now I can imagine myself doing because I frequently get calcification in my joints especially in my legs and that often made walking and moving difficult and painful. So I am stuck to office jobs for now.

I do hope I can move that big whatever up the stairs today. 🙂

No Mirror?

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

I woke up this morning, back still sore from running around yesterday but at least I am feeling better than yesterday. Mom wants to drag me to look at new cars with her but I am like no way in hell. Besides, it’s not for me, it’s for her sister. Why should I care?

Also, what’s wrong with buying a less expensive used car? But no, they don’t like used cars. They want everything to be brand new. Is this a new thing for Chinese people or is it just my family? I have no clue. For all I know, everything has to be new for them. No used or secondhand.

The cruel thing is that mom wanted to use my name to purchase the car. She wanted me to get the loan so I could build credit. It’s a big responsibility to bear. Work an unstable job plus school, I don’t think I can afford it. At the moment, I can’t even afford the down payment. I told her, “You can buy whatever you want, just don’t drag me down with you.”

So now, she’s gone to browse and I can finally blog. I gave the daily prompt a gander earlier today and I found it interesting and I can relate. Ever since I got my braces, I found myself staring into the mirror more often than before I got braces. It’s mainly to check my teeth to make sure that it’s all well. I don’t want my teeth to look like the picture my orthodontist showed me that day after I got braces.

“Brush often.” He told me and handed me a brochure. I flipped it to the back and there was a picture of perfect teeth and then there’s one that looked like my step-dad’s teeth, black, rotten, and yucky. I winced. Ever since then, I’ve been brushing regularly and checking my teeth in the mirror to make sure my teeth didn’t end up like that nasty picture (I don’t want to show you, fear it might cause some nightmares).

I don’t use the mirror just to look at my teeth, I use the mirror to see my face. Otherwise, how am I supposed to know where to put my acne medication? Other than that, I don’t really like to look at mirror especially of late because a zit by my right eye has become infected and I look like someone with a giant mole.

Anyway, back to the prompt, if I woke up one day to a world without mirror, it would definitely have some effects on me. Like, I have no idea whether my shirt is on correctly, I don’t want to be walking around with one end of the shirt handing down my shoulder. On the other hand, when I brush my teeth, I won’t have any idea if something is stuck in my teeth. Worst of all, the only perspective of myself I’m going to get is through other people’s eyes and not my own.

Ah, now I get to do some stuff of my own. 🙂

Shutting Down

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

This morning, I woke up, un-energized. My body ached while my brain felt like it’s gone into shut-down mode. I cannot think of one thing to write. I looked at the Daily Prompt and cannot think of one situation to relate. Continue reading “Shutting Down” →

Don’t want to get up!

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

I live in Northern Utah. So I don’t get to see sunrise because well, the mountains are in the way. But I still think the sun is very annoying. Sure sunshine’s nice but when you’re driving eastbound at 8 o’clock in the morning and that sun has reach high enough over the mountain to shine in your eyes, it’s not so great. Continue reading “Don’t want to get up!” →

Someone calling my name?

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

I don’t consider myself to be a listener because somehow I just like to talk about myself as if I haven’t share enough with anyone. Sometimes, though, I like to Continue reading “Someone calling my name?” →

First Days

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

As a kid, I dreaded going to school on the first day. Even now, that dread is still there. Continue reading “First Days” →

Don’t Poison Me!!!

Published on by Yinglan3 Comments

Last week, in a test to see if I can manage to cook for my aunt and cousin when they get here, mom made me cook chicken wings. Not just any chicken wings but chicken wings with a Chinese Pickle Marinade which it’s delicious. I don’t know how my mom usually cook it because I’ve never made an effort to watch. But I’ve cooked it several times while she was out of town so I have my own way of making this dish.

When mom came home that day, I told her proudly that we’re having marinaded chicken wings for dinner. Her initial reaction was I had wings for lunch.

Then she went to the stove, lifted the lid to see the chicken.  “That is a big pot of chicken wings. Why didn’t you make another bag?” I scratched my head and went like, you just said it’s a big pot.

She asked me how I made it. I told her I dumped a whole bottle of the marinade plus half a bottle of water. She winced. “Water? You are not supposed to put water in there! Now there won’t be any taste!”

Is this what I get after two hours of cooking? This was how I usually make it and it’s never turned out wrong. A part of me suddenly feel like maybe it’ll turn out bland and tasteless. Perhaps I failed this time.

At dinnertime, mom poured all the marinade down the drain and placed the wings in a bowl. “Don’t poison me.” She said before tasting the wing. She was afraid of a lot of things like the cleanliness when I cooked it like whether or not I washed my hands. I’m not a slop, mom, I tried to tell her. She took a bite, “mmm, not bad.”

I took a bite too and it surprised me that I didn’t fail. It was very good. She later told me that she just thought it’s a little weird to put water in with the marinade. I told her, “How else am I supposed to marinade the wings if it only barely touches the marinade?”

It also turns out my mom’s iffy about everything as if she’s only one that can do everything perfectly. Well, now, she can’t complain because she’s going to school every night until 8 and when she comes home, she wants dinner. So she has no choice but to have me prepare for her. When you’re hungry, you’ll eat what people serve you.

Friends and Hurtful Remarks

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

School is officially starting in about 2 hours!

Now and then, I would reminisce on my middle school years. My middle school years were the happiest, the most dramatic, and the most miserable years I have ever gone through. I would happy because I had friends, actual friends compare to now, well, no friends. Then there are all those days walking home among a group of people who tease, make fun, and busily filling in the gossip. They made walking home fun. The things I don’t miss about those years were the thievery and the misery from my so-call “friends”. Yes, thievery! My stuff like my erasers, pencils, and even wallet and keys goes missing in a blink of an eye!

There were also these embarrassing situations where my face turns horrendously red because of my lack of vocabulary at the time. My so-call “friends” will be my friends when they want to but when they don’t, they took advantage of my lack of vocabulary skills and made remarks or asked me questions that I had no way of answering or just made me look stupid. Well, I just barely came in the U.S. two years ago while you were born here, how is that fair? I’d often muttered.

Anyway, there were many times when they said some crazy remarks that I wish I could justify, in 3 words, zing them back. I have a love/hate relationship with those times because at the time, my school was about 50% Asian and it was all about competition and remarks. While those were fun, they were sometimes hurtful and mean. I remember the most hurtful remark was when someone sneakily asked me whether I was a lesbian because of my short hair.

I didn’t know what that word meant at the time and it was loud outside, so I thought she said “vegetarian” and I said “yes”. I realized years later what I should had said was “Are you?” That comment basically ruined me, caused me misery for the remainder of my 7th grade year. People started calling me “he she” or pointed and laughed at me for my stupidity. I was too afraid to shoot them back at the time because I was very tiny and I didn’t want to start a fight or anything like that.

In 8th grade, when there was a new kid in school, that remark quickly turned into “you should be with him” or “you two would go great together” and they would guffaw. I had already started to grow my hair but it wasn’t long enough yet because apparently if you’re a girl and have short hair, some dumb asses would automatically assume you’re a boy or you’re gay.

Anyway, my point aside, in a way, I became somewhat known and I had an actual friend to back me up in situations like this. Since that friend in middle school, the only friends I’ve ever made was in my junior year in high school and those friends were even truer than the one in middle school. They stuck by me and helped me through various situations.

After we graduated, we lost touch when we went our separate ways but I will never forget them. At the start of each semester in college, I would reminisce and wonder whether I will find a friend or even a group of people like in middle school or high school again. Well, today, I am going to new school full of strangers who don’t know me. I know making friends is tough but I think I will really give it a go this time instead of during my undergraduate year when I just sat around waiting for a friend to come along.

Cross your fingers and wish me luck.

If I have a robot…

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

My mom has a tendency to find fault in anything and everything. This is not working right, that is not working right. She also like to exaggerate everything. The water’s leaking, it’s going to flood the basement! Continue reading “If I have a robot…” →

Can’t stop humming!

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

The latest song I heard was on the radio a few days ago. Now, I cannot get it out of my head. I keep humming the beginning of the song but when I get to the chorus, I couldn’t continue. It’s always the beginning.

The song is:

That opening line, we’re a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea, just spoke to me in a way. First of all, in the most recent weeks, the planes (F-16) have been flying more frequent and it picks the perfect time to fly over my home, right when I am watching something or trying to write. So you can say I am a thousand miles from comfort because I haven’t been comfortable at home this whole summer. Nor was I comfortable at school because 20 miles away, those same planes are still flying above me. No matter where I go, that buzzing sound will follow just to annoy the crap out of me.

That second part, we have traveled land and sea, well, I guess you can describe the planes since the Great Salt Lake is large enough to call “sea”. They fly all over the land and the sea. On the other hand, it can also describe my willingness to find comfort because at this point, I do not care what I try or do, I just want these planes to stop rumbling in my ears.

I guess this post sort of turned into yet another one of my little rants. Well, I need to complain once in a while. 🙂

Work for free???

Published on by Yinglan2 Comments

Today’s prompt read, if money was out of the equation, would you still work? The answer is maybe if and that is if all the other factors are different. What do I mean, you ask? Continue reading “Work for free???” →

How is taking supplements good?

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

Popping pills is one of those things I am absolutely against. If there’s no need, why take it? Taking pills or overdosing on pills is what killed so many, isn’t it? Why do people take such dumb risks? Continue reading “How is taking supplements good?” →

A Dream Tunnel to School

Published on by Yinglan5 Comments

It’s been a strange summer, I must say, weather-wise. There’s been days when it was completely sunny, not a cloud in the sky while there are days like today, cloudy sky with an occasion sprinkle. I hate those days, it makes me feel completely blue and sad. Continue reading “A Dream Tunnel to School” →

The book I want to re-read

Published on by Yinglan1 Comment

71A4KWHZm8LPhew, I’m swamped with novels to read thanks to all the wonderful recommendation from the various blogs I’ve visit. I recently read “The Visibles” by Sara Shepard. It was a great novel that I couldn’t put down once I got started. Now, I’m reading “Everything We Ever Wanted” also by Sara Shepard. I don’t know what to think yet seeing that I’m only on chapter 3.

However, if I have enough free time and I have read all the popular novels, the book that I would definitely like to re-read is The Ends of the Earth by Robert Kaplan. I bought this book I think three years ago when I took Middle East Geography, interesting but difficult course, by the way. It was our required textbook but I never read it because it was during my “I hate reading days” and it was so boring.

I still have no idea how I passed that class. But I eventually did read the ending and I thought it was okay. So I like to read it from the beginning.

Another reason I want to re-read this book is because it has something to do with travel and traveling is somehow my current obsession. I remember reading the summary and it said it’s about the author traveling from the Middle East to Asia. I just read the part where he talked about the scary journey riding on a bus from Pakistan entering China. There, he had to go through that horrifying narrow and rickety highway which I have forgotten the name.

Anyway, if I have the time, I would definitely read this book from the beginning just to read about the adventure through Africa, Middle East, and Asia. Unfortunately, it probably won’t be anytime soon seeing that school’s starting again in 8 days 😦 and that’s the end of my summer.

Well, that’s it for now! Have a great day! 🙂

An Ironic Situation

Published on by Yinglan11 Comments

When someone tells you you need to buy a new something to replace your current something and then your current something suddenly breaks down the next day or so, do you consider this situation to be weird, ironic, perhaps? Continue reading “An Ironic Situation” →

Mysterious Secret Admirer

Published on by Yinglan17 Comments

I remember a very funny and joyous situation happen to me during my Senior year of high school. Continue reading “Mysterious Secret Admirer” →

Books and Prizes

Published on by Yinglan6 Comments

Today’s prompt talked about watching a TV show or movie or reading a book that left me cold despite of all the raving from friends, critics, etc.vintage-book-grass-green-photography-us-com-250746

I usually don’t watch any shows or movies until I read at least some of the comments from the internet. Oh, who am I kidding? Normally, I just go with my gut and read the facebook comments while watching the shows on hulu. Most of the time though, I would agree with the comments but on occasions, I would disagree. Sometimes, the show or movie with the most horrible comments turns out to my favorite.

Books are the same thing. I remember about a decade ago, my friend gave me a book for my birthday. I can’t remember the title except it had something to do with the moon. It’s even won a Pulitzer Prize of Literature. I can just remember that shiny gold thing on the cover. I have no idea why my friend recommended it. It’s not like she read much (seriously, I never seen her open a book).

Anyway, I have to tell you, that is the most boring book I have ever read. I tried year after year to finish the first chapter and I just couldn’t do it. I just stared at that first sentence over and over again.

I gave the book to my step-dad and had him have a crack at it since he loves reading and was willing to read anything. It took him two weeks. Two weeks! That is by far the longest it’s taken him to finish a book and the book was only 400-some pages!

His reaction was the same as mine though, BORING! Hmm, I wonder, if it’s so boring, how did it win the Pulitzer? But in my opinion, sometimes the boring-est books win the most prizes and the most exciting books will win nothing.

Getting Lost

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Would yelling and screaming consider an unorthodox way to solve tricky situations? Continue reading “Getting Lost” →

Maybe just need some inspiration…

Published on by Yinglan4 Comments

writers-block-strip-1
Writer’s Block, the Comic Credit: WriteRight

I’m kind of surprised I’ve managed to write something each day of last and this week. Ever since I finished my term papers for my classes and began working on this month’s translation update, my head felt completely occupied, like there’s no more room for writing. I’m not sure if this is writer’s block or something else but for some reason, I just can’t feel the motivation to write anymore.

Maybe my life just been busy and boring as heck. With mom gone for two weeks, I’m just stuck at home working 24/7 while have to cook, water the lawn, work, and go to the gym. Ugh, it’s sucks to be grown up sometimes.

Anyway, it seemed like my block is just for life stuff. I don’t think I have any problem writing fictional tales. Hey, maybe it’s not a writer’s block after all, maybe I just have nothing to write about life or maybe I just need some inspiration.